Reaction Time
by CrowAggro
Summary: It’s Shinra, and it’s boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno, the self proclaimed Master of Disaster!
1. Lighting the Fuse

**A/N**: This originally started out as a one-shot but I like writing about the Turks, so I'm going go crazy with this one methinks :D

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language mainly on Reno's part and possibly some violence, and a little Tseng x Reno in later chapters, but only if you squint (NOT!)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately  
(I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!)

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"Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored!" A certain crimson haired Turk yelled to no-one in particular. He knew however if he kept on yelling it, he'd get a reaction from somebody eventually. After a good ten minutes of yelling and getting no visible reaction from it, the excitable young Turk decided to go and find someone else to bother.

"Hey boss man! Wanna go and abuse Scarlet for a bit? I know where she keeps her make up and I have matching coloured caaaar paaaaaiiiint!" Tseng felt a wicked grin tug at his lips, he managed to however, remain perfectly composed, at least for the duration of Reno's visit. After a moment of silence Reno began drumming his fingers on his superiors desk, intent on getting a reaction. Next he started spinning around on the black leather swivel chair he was sat on. Round and round and round and…CRASH!

"Whoa, did you see that!? I swear to God somebody pushed me off that! You saw it right? Right??" Still nothing….Reno was beginning to get royally pissed off. First everybody ignored him in the office, now Tseng was acting pissy with him, if Elena were here she'd rise to the bait. Hey! It was almost like somebody switched a little light on inside his head.  
"Tseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeng? You know 'cos you love me and stuff right? And like, how you couldn't do….stuff without me, right? WillyoupleasetellmewhereElenaisprettyprettyprettypleaseandIpromisei'llleaveyourofficerightnowandIwon'tbotheryouagainfortherestofthedayPLEEEEEEAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEE!"

For a moment all Tseng could do was stare incredulously at the flame haired turk, amazed he could fit so much into a sentence without taking a single breath. Eventually though he gave in and decided to fill Reno in on Elena's whereabouts. He also made a mental Post it note to avoid like hell anywhere Elena was going to be for the next week at least. And so after divulging the 'vital' information Reno desired, Tseng resumed his paperwork, enjoying a little peace and quiet for once, safe in the knowledge that Reno wasn't going to bother him today. Half an hour or so later a fuming, banshee, sorry, Scarlet came crashing through his door screaming and yelling and very nearly, exploding. Rubbing his temples the Turk leader glanced up at her and had to stifle a snort when he saw the damage done to her face. The first words that sprung to his mind: Car Paint.  
"It was one of your lot that did it Tseng, I know it was! LOOK WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO MY FACE!!" The Scarlet witch shrieked. Well, Tseng mused, Reno certainly did make life interesting for them.

Somewhere in the deep, dark, sweaty depths of the gym he spied her. She bounded up and down the gym ducking, dodging, swiping, punching and kicking her way through hordes of invisible enemies. She was pretty good, the silent assassin conceded from his viewpoint behind the weights rack but nowhere near as good as himself. Stealthily and silently he crept over to the blonde 'newbie' although she'd been with the Turks for well over three years now, his lithe body bent low, ready to pounce at any second. Just his luck then, that at the exact moment he chose to pounce, Elena decided to practice a round house kick reminiscent of Chuck Norris himself. Foot collided with Reno, Reno met floor.

"Reno!?" Elena shrieked "What the hell are you doing here?" From his place on the floor he managed a disgruntled muttering going something along the lines of  
"bored…found Tseng …git ..Scarlet…make-up…crazy ...found you...Chuck-Fucking-Norris…hello floor…….…..." After a moment of trying to fill in the rather obscure blanks the only female Turk decided it was about time Reno got up off the floor. He was starting to make the place look untidy.

After catching his breath again and checking out his already bruising ribs Reno decided it was about time he enlisted Elena in his latest conquest, 'Annoy Soldiers'. But first, he needed back up and Elena on her own just wasn't enough. Therefore, Operation: Hunt Rude, needed to be carried out first. And so far all Reno knew was that he had no idea where to start.

Well, to begin with it wasn't his partners day off and he had no idea where his large, bald amigo had escaped to. Tseng didn't know, Reno knew Tseng was telling the truth because Rude owed the boss man at least £20 and Tseng hadn't got his payout yet. He really did NOT want to ask Scarlet, and had advised Elena not to do the same. Rufus was 'too important', that and he'd also threatened to shoot Reno in the foot if he tried to 'waste his time' again. Reeve would only drone on for at least 100 million hours before he realised the two innocent young Turks had already died of boredom, and Heidegger was fat.

This left him with only one option: Make a new plan.  
"Ok Elena, Operation: Hunt Rude was a no go, so how about this, Operation: Enlist Tseng!"  
"Reno I really don't think Tseng would want anything to do with your silly games, he's far too superior." Reno beamed and tapped his nose knowingly before placing an arm around her shoulders, guiding the poor bewildered girl to the elevators.

"Not," He said "after he finds out what those Soldiers did to his car."

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Neko-Jin: One-shot for the lose!  
Looks like this is turning out to be the beginning of a little series. Woop de Doo!

Now……Reviews please!! I desperately need them, i have no idea whether any of my work is any good D'8  
Cookies for those that review!! :3


	2. Detonation in 3, 2,1

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language mainly on Reno's part and possibly some violence, and a little Tseng x Reno in later chapters, but only if you squint NOT!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately  
(I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!)

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"They did WHAT to my car!?"

It was one of the few known facts that one of the only things Tseng cared for was his beloved car. It was a sleek, black convertible and most definitely not a company car. It was also in excess of 50,000 gil. Not good then for the Soldiers who had thought it merely a classy company car and decided to give it a new paint job with some choice words sprayed across it. Mainly about Tseng and the current state of his, for lack of a better word, sanity. Sanity which was now finding it extremely hard to hold itself together, and was threatening to join with 'in', which, as Reno hoped would create something quite catastrophic.

Elena couldn't do much more than cower in a corner and stare in horrified fascination as Tseng tore past Reno, nearly threw the door off it's hinges and started yelling down the hallways that "All the soldiers in this fucking building had better get the hell out of his way, RIGHT NOW." Reno on the other hand, couldn't do much more than laugh his ass off.

Tseng was not a man to cross on a good day, and even Reno sometimes left his office shaking slightly after a reprimand for doing something rather stupid, normally involving a chair with wheels, a fire extinguisher, an open window and a grappling hook. It was when you crossed Tseng on a BAD day, then you knew that blood would eventually be spilt. And after Reno had given their first in command the names, photos and the directions to the Bases the poor soldiers were staying in, it was safe to assume Tseng was about to commit murder . That or there would be a sudden mass genocide in the Soldier camp.

Reno beamed, as he hurried after the raven haired behemoth, pleased with his own forward thinking, but still smart enough to realise he'd better not get too close whilst Tseng was on the war path. Elena still couldn't move from her spot cowering behind the desk in his office.

Down in the Soldier camp all were blissfully unaware of the impending doom, namely Tseng, that was already hunting them down.

On the top floor President Rufus Shinra had a message sent to him via a completely terrified receptionist that Tseng was _pissed_. Rufus locked the door. Then switched the safety off his shot gun. And then poured himself a LARGE drink. After a moments careful deliberation he switched on all the monitors which showed CCTV footage of the Shinra compound and decided to track Tseng's movements down himself. After another moments thought he switched all the monitors on record, Gaia knew he'd been looking for a reason to give Tseng a 'much needed vacation' for a long time. He couldn't let the opportunity pass him by.

As Tseng stalked the corridors, co-workers, receptionists, lab assistants and researchers all dived for cover, hoping they wouldn't be the first he'd vent his anger on. Reno had to laugh at all their expressions, and they all shot him looks back that read something like 'You must be completely crazy to still be following him!'

"Yeah, well someone's got to clean up the blood!" He answered out loud, even though nobody had asked him anything in the first place, earning him even more strange looks. He ignored this and picked up the pace as Tseng had actually started running! Oh Gaia this was heating up now! His grin widened even further when he saw the sign indicating the Soldiers Barracks were that way.à

This, Reno thought to himself, was going to be EPIC.

This, Rufus spoke out loud, was going to be horrific.

And somewhere on the other side of Midgar, in a lonely little bar named Seventh Heaven Rude sat, clutching an empty pint glass knowing something was about to go down. And he just knew a certain red-head would be behind it.

"Same again?" Tifa asked.

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Neko-jin: Well there we go! Rude was boozing it up aaaalllllllll along. Now I wonder how Tseng's going to react when he finds those Soldiers he's been looking for? Badly, let's hope XD

Reviews would be nice pretty please!


	3. The big 'metaphorical' BANG

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language mainly on Reno's part and definately some violence in this one.  
This chapter ALSO contains glomping on Reno's part over a certain head of department.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately!  
I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!

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'_Tseng burst into the barracks, screaming wildly, harsh guttural sounds escaping his throat, gnashing his perfectly white teeth together savagely. His normally meticulous uniform somehow magically ripped and tore itself until it hung in tattered shreds over his hunched, perfectly poised body. His slightly matted, jet black haired streamed madly over his strong, broad shoulders, hazel eyes glinting vividly, illuminating his already gorgeous face_…..'

Reno stopped in his tracks. He paused a moment, regained his train of thought, then tried again.

He ran a little faster.

'_Leaping into action Tseng caught the first Soldier unawares and repeatedly drove his fists into the bewildered mans gut. With cat like grace he leapt from his first victims bruised and bloodied body, tactfully ensnaring another unfortunate soul in his dance of death. As the fight drew to a close a rapid, unexpected attack from a hidden assailant tore away what little shreds remained of Tseng's suit, exposing his beautifully sculpted body_…….'

After a moment of startled realisation at what his mental monologue had been suggesting, the bewildered red-head came to a sudden halt. After a few seconds of analytical thinking, in Reno's case, something along the lines of '_Tseng's my boss. I just daydreamed about my boss. Which is, Tseng, who coincidentally, is a guy, and I was ENJOYING that daydream too. Does that mean I like h_-' A piercing scream snapped him out of his mental maths and forced him to pay attention to his surroundings. He tracked the scream down to the secretary for this department, who happened to be hiding under her desk. That was when he saw exactly what department they were actually in.

Soldier Barracks Block D: 1st Class Division..

Oh. Shit.

This was something Reno **hadn't **counted on. He'd expected the only idiots to even consider spray painting Tseng's car would be rookies. Therefore logic told him he needn't bother checking out their rank or stats. Damn his laziness! Having said that, they were only soldiers, and come on, wasn't it he, the brilliant Reno who had taken on Yazoo and won? He'd OWNED a clone of Sephiroth for Gaia's sake! Well, he hadn't won per say, but he wasn't exactly dead yet either.

After a moment of careful deliberation, Reno's ego pulled through and he decided, much to the annoyance of his common sense, that he **could **win a bunch of no good soldiers. First class or not.

That, was when he heard it. The 'guttural rawr' he'd daydreamed about. Thought about! He did NOT daydream about his dominant superior. No! Submissive supe- Damnit he did NOT think about the guy he took orders from in any way other than that he was a tyrannical, temperamental, emotionally unhinged, often deranged bastard. '_He's still the sex though' _his conscience chipped in, still smarting over it's loss to ego. That was it. He was going to go mad.

Fortunately for Reno however, Tseng beat him to it.

The entire incident, for all the hype and all the climax, passed fairly quickly. That was not to say however, those dumb ass Soldiers got off lightly. Not by a long shot. Peeking from the doorway Reno stared, horrified and amazed beyond words how calmly, Tseng actually dispatched the Soldiers. First rank my ass. First, he regained his casual demeanour and dropped the feral act so quickly it was like he'd switched personalities or something. Next he upholstered his gun and used it to tap on the door. As soon as the unfortunate soul opened the door, he was greeted with a shotgun nozzle. That was when the fun really started.

Tseng brought the gun down shooting the guy in the foot, whilst Soldier 1 fell to the floor Tseng used him as a ramp to cover more ground at once. Soldier no.2 seemed to be slightly quicker off the mark and was already reaching for his sword when the barrel of the gun came crashing down on his splayed fingers. Reno heard the sickening crack from the doorway. Tseng wasn't fazed in the slightest, and with lightening speed had drop kicked the guy (soldier 3), trying to sneak up behind him. After 3 went down Boss man shot him through the shoulder. Just in case. And then followed up on number poor, still conscious no.2 again. This time Tseng threw his gun in the air, and whilst he had both hands free, grabbed no.2's already damaged hand, pulled his arm out straight and snapped it cleanly in two with his now gun free hand. After shoving the final soldier to the ground he snatched his gun out of the air and strode calmly out of the room.

Reno watched, awe struck. This had all been achieved within the space of two minutes, his mind was still trying to catch up. As Tseng calmly marched passed him, Reno was sure he saw the faintest flicker of a smile ghost his lips.

"Remind me," The crimson deviant muttered darkly to the still cowering receptionist, "not to let him catch me doing **anything **dodgy for the next week at least."

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Neko-Jin: This one was….strange to write, it took me the longest to write too :I

I think it was Reno's internal commentary that threw me, and yes, he is finally beginning to realise he has the hots for his boss. I think it was the sudden personality change that did it XD

Anyways, thanks for reading, and reviews would be nice too (creative if possible!) Inabizzle!


	4. Euphemisms and In'your'endos

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language mainly on Reno's part.  
**i** This chapter ALSO contains insinuations, innuendos and some dirty thoughts involving his desk **!**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately  
I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!

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Ever since Tseng's little 'episode' Reno had found himself inexplicably drawn towards their raven haired leader. And to be perfectly honest, it worried him. It wasn't the fact Tseng was a man. Tales of Reno's sexual exploits were infamous amongst Shinra workers in all departments. And still, something bothered him. Maybe it was because they worked together. Or maybe not. Maybe it was… No, it wasn't that either, it wasn't **anything **really, nothing he could put his finger on anyway. Reno sighed and slouching further over his desk, rested his narrow chin on his long, slender hands. Staring at the desk below him suddenly conjured up thousands of dirty ideas and twisted images of himself and, well, you know, enjoying a certain favourite pastime on said desk. Growling, Reno slammed his head against the offending piece of metal.

A shrill beeping from somewhere in his trouser pocket conveniently distracted him from his little fancy man dilemma. That was until he read who was paging him. '_Oh lucky me_.' he thought sardonically. '_And look! He wants you in his office right now. Sounds like fun, you and him, in his office….With a __**DESK**_!'"WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH ALL THESE FUCKING DESKS TODAY!?" Reno yelled, jolting Rude from his nice little cat nap at the desk opposite. Storming past in a flurry of crimson, Rude wasn't even sure he wanted to know what Reno was thinking today. Instead, he laid his head down on a rather large pile of unfinished paper work, closed his eyes and soon enough, commenced drooling all over it.

As soon as the flame haired Turk entered the room he felt knots in the pit of his stomach, the way the boss looked at him sent chills running the length of his spine."Yo." Reno greeted his superior, and couldn't help noticing how strangely forced he sounded. Tseng merely grunted in acknowledgment and began a long, carefully thought out speech basically going over yesterdays events and how he had been completely within his rights. Reno, not being able to care any less, instead wandered over to the large, mahogany desk and (subconsciously) seated himself on it. Purposely sitting with his back to the stern beauty, the last thing he wanted to do now was stare at the one thing he knew he couldn't have.

Dawning realisation exploded inside his muddled head and in an instant he knew why he'd been trying to extinguish the fire in his heart. He liked Tseng so much, way more than he'd ever felt for anyone else and it was because he knew he could never have him that he refused to even glance his way. The knots in his stomach slowly unwound and became miniature hurricanes, this was getting beyond ridiculous.

After a few minutes into his rant Tseng realised his second in command was purposely ignoring him and growled to get his attention.

"Reno, you're on my desk." Tseng stated, he was in no real mood to play his subordinates silly games.  
"Was that a euphemism?" Reno asked automatically, completely forgetting Tseng was unaware of his slight desk obsession. Tseng merely sighed in annoyance.  
"No Reno, that was not a euphemism." The flame haired Turk silently cursed in his head. Then chided himself for feeling disappointed. '_Tseng. Is. Not. Boyfriend. Material._' He mentally chanted. '_Then again…._'

"Sir can I as you something?"  
"I'm sure you'll ask me anyway Reno."  
"Yeah, well…it's like more advice I'm after really. You've done chicks right?"  
Tseng chose not to answer, Reno carried on regardless.

"But like, have you ever found somebody that you think you **really **like, but you think they're too good for you, so you don't say anything. And you know they know who you are, but you're not even sure if they like you, but you like them so much it hurts…Is it worth asking them out, yo?" Tseng remained silent, puzzling over the actually sensible question he'd just been asked. Off Reno no less.

"Reno you're a Turk. Turks rarely get a chance at happiness and if this person knows you, then I presume they must know you're a Turk. And if they can accept that, then I think you've picked a winner."  
"So you think I should give it a go then?" Tseng nodded, an uncharacteristic smile gracing his normally pursed lips.  
"Even if they say no, at least you tried, and you'll never kick yourself years from now wishing you'd just asked them. And if they say yes, then you'll be one of the lucky ones."  
"Thanks Tseng that's good advice. I'm guessing you've been said 'no' too quite a lot then?" Reno inquired in all honesty. Tseng's eyebrow twitched slightly, however he let the comment slide and merely massaged his temples before calmly asking Reno, if "he'd get off his damn desk."

Reno paused thoughtfully, his mind briefly scanning over all those dirty office sex sessions, desk scenarios and 'working late' fantasies he'd been drooling over the past couple of days. After a moment of serious deliberation and mental glomping , he swung his long, lanky legs up over the edge of the desk, crossed them, folded his arms and swivelled round so he was directly facing his crush.

'Sir. Was that an innuendo?.' He asked earnestly.

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Neko-Jin: I liked this one XD mainly because I have a few really good chapters planned that follow on from this!  
Reviews please, it's not as much fun writing them and getting nothing helpful out of it ¬¬

:3


	5. Why you should never turn up drunk

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language mainly on Reno's part , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing.  
Gradual RxT, and Reno almost getting caught out.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately  
I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!

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"I don't drop my pants for just anyone when I'm sober, y'know yo?"

'_Smooth Reno, rrrreeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaalllll smooth. Now he thinks you're a slag._' Cursing under his breath Reno wished he hadn't decided it'd be a good idea to come to this stupid meeting completely drunk. Seconds later however he had completely forgotten about trying to act sensible in front of his crush and was now desperately trying to prove that he wasn't, in fact, a slag.

"I'm not a slag, if I was a slag I'd have done EEEEEVERRRRYONEEEE in this department. And have I? No, nooooooooo I haven't. I've never even had Scarlet and EVERYBODY'S had Scarlet." From the other end of the table Scarlet slowly un holstered the pistol from her hip.  
"I've never done 'Lena either, have I Lena? Then again, it wouldn't do to shag the rookies, would it, zotto?" Elena feel her face turn a violent shade of pink, but managed to hold her tongue for the moment.  
"I haven't done Rude either. I **wouldn't **do Rude yo. Rude, have we screwed? No, n-no I thought not." Reno slurred. Rude meanwhile pinched the bridge of his nose and prayed Reno would stop before someone asked him if he'd do….

"What about Tseng Reno?" Elena smirked actually feeling quite pleased with herself at 'lightening wit'. If by some miracle however, she could've seen behind Rude's shades she would have received the fiercest death glare this side of the planet. So fierce in fact, she'd have melted on the spot.

At first the fact Reno had turned up to the afternoons meeting half cut had only seriously bothered Reeve and had mildly annoyed Tseng. All annoyances however were quickly forgotten when it became apparent Reno would be the perfect distraction from another one of Reeve's dreaded meetings. And so far the novelty hadn't worn off.

Scarlet had set the boat rocking after she asked Reno where he'd been. He'd promptly replied in Seventh Heaven before realising his mistake and then trying to convince them all he'd actually been in his office. The funny thing was, he genuinely believed he wasn't half as drunk as he actually was. Heidegger had followed up a split second later by 'casually' asking if he'd met anyone nice recently. When Reno's face turned a shade reminiscent of his hair colour, and he shook his head so furiously it almost caused him to fall off his chair, Elena decided to dive in claiming Reno was 'always meeting nice people'. Consequently insinuating Reno was a man whore. And this was what had set the crimson fire-cracker off.

First he said he'd only got his 'notorious sex demon' rep because he'd been drunk most of the time. Then something had clicked in his fuzzy little head and he'd suddenly tried to amend what he'd just said by adding he didn't drop his pants for just anyone when he was sober. Needless to say, he'd just given the group even more ammunition, and even more incentive to keep away from the meeting at hand. And now he was blushing furiously again. Rude just knew this was going to end badly.

"W-what do you mean?" He asked, desperately trying to sound as though he thought the question sounded absurd. His alcohol clouded mind wasn't even working at half speed and it taking all his concentration to not shout out "I WANT IN TSENG'S PANTS!" Rude noticed his partners hands gripping the table as though it was a white knuckle ride at a theme park. He knew exactly what Reno thought of Tseng, he could read Reno like a book, they'd been working together for nearly seven years already. Reno had never had to say it out loud. And yet Rude knew the extent of Reno's feelings for their superior, and how it was slowly crushing the life out of him seeing his secret love each day without him even noticing him. It was like a romantic tradgedy that was about to result in social suicide if everyone found out now.

"Reno you really don't look well, maybe you should get some fresh air."

That was it. Someone was smiling down on him today because Reno knew he'd been saved, but it hadn't been Rude that spoke. It was Tseng. This gave him even more reason to leap unsteadily to his feet and stumble at high speed straight out of the room. Fascinated, Rude watched Tseng carefully, but if he'd expected to see any clues as to what he thought after Reno's reaction, he was sadly mistaken. Tseng's face remained as impassive as ever. Rude couldn't help but feel disheartened by Tseng's lack of emotion. Maybe he really didn't like Reno in that way at all, and was merely trying to save his second in commands reputation. Or maybe he was just trying to save his own.

Shortly after Reno's hasty departure the meeting had resumed, and although it was 'vital to Shinra's growth and development' Tseng couldn't stop his mind from wandering. He'd seen the blush creep up Reno's face, and he'd seen the undisclosed terror in the younger Turk's eyes. Maybe he was imagining it, but he got the feeling that if Reno had been given the chance to answer, he might've said yes. Or words to those equivalent. With Reno, you were never really too sure.

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Neko-Jin: :3 Reno FTW. Close call ne? Reno is such a loudmouth when he's drunk XD I can't say much…EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee methinks Tseng's catching on!  
At the moment however I think Shinra's been getting a little too quiet, so I think some Rufus bashing may be in order in the next chapter. And who knows…Hojo might get a little abuse as well :D

Happy readings!


	6. Operation: Rescue Slinky

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language mainly on Reno's part , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!

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The two stared each other down. A fearsome match between unpredictable aqua against stable hazel. Eventually Reno spoke. It wasn't as though he had anything in particular he'd like to say, he just didn't like silence. Your mind started to do things when things got too quiet. And Reno and thinking were never a particularly good combination to begin with.

"Have you seen my slinky?" He asked. Tseng's face remained impassive. A china doll mask of seriousness and eternal disdain.

"No Reno, I have not seen your slinky, why on earth would you expect me to have seen your slinky?" Tseng asked. Reno sniggered, an idiotic smile stapled to his face as he substituted one word for another. Tseng glared at the easily amused moron in front of him, and wondered whether the large, goofy grin was merely a deceptive ploy to infuriate and annoy. As Tseng tried to reveal the mechanics behind that gormless layer of skin, Reno grew impatient.

After another moment of awkward silence, awkward on Reno's behalf anyway, the flame haired Turk pulled a lighter out of his pocket and began flicking it on and off. He did this quite happily for several more minutes until Tseng decided his second in command was actually just an idiot.

"Reno have you nothing better to do than waste my time? Can't you find someone else to annoy, I happen to be quite busy." A flicker of uncertainty ghosted his subordinates face before the red head concealed it with another silly smirk.

"Nope. I'm all alone today Tseng, so it looks like you're gonna have to put up with me!" Tseng shook his head and turned the younger man away, leaving the red head to his own devices. The younger Turk skulked out of the room, a scowl gracing his normally cheerful, happy go lucky expression. Tseng watched after the red head and continued to stare after him a long while after the door slammed shut of it's own accord. Maybe he'd been wrong to think Reno was as empty headed as he let on.

There was no-one left today. He had no-one to annoy, no-one to tease, torment or enlist in one of his many games. Anything to defeat the crushing boredom that engulfed the Shinra building on it's 'quiet' days. Rude was recovering from a recent mission gone awry and Elena had taken a couple of days vacation for a relative's birthday. There was Tseng, but he just didn't care. Reno sighed again and lowered his head in defeat, crimson bangs falling over his dulled azure eyes. That was when he remembered it. The slinky…. Maybe he could still salvage the remnants of the day. With new found vigour the unrelenting Turk set off on a new quest AKA Operation: Rescue Slinky. But where to start? Well, seeing as he'd been playing with it whilst he'd been in his office, he reckoned the most logical place would be too start there. And so the hunt for the slinky began.

"Pens, pens, paper, poem, ammo, chocolate, more chocolate, pens, sellotape, scissors, Christmas party photos, more pe-……wait a minute, Christmas photos? Better take a look." Reno said, momentarily halting his raid through the blonde's draws, Reno flicked through the stack of photos of the last Christmas party the president had held, and carefully removed the most incriminating. Mainly him being drunk and disorderly, but still, at least they were safe now. Whilst there he selected a few choice ones of his superior looking rather worse for wear and fighting a losing battle against gravity, or so it appeared. After replacing the now completely blackmail proof bundle, the Turk returned to his search. Elena's desk turned up nothing however. Rude's desk revealed nothing as to the whereabouts of his beloved slinky either, although it did contain a rather tasty snack in the form of a packet of Oreo's. As he munched on the deliciously more-ish biscuits Reno decided to pillage his own desk. A packet of chewing gum and a men's health magazine later (he had no idea how the latter got there, honestly…), the young Turk decided to call it a day. That was until his suicidal young mind remembered he hadn't yet pilfered his bosses desk. Not a good idea. But since when had Reno done what was right or sensible?

Several minutes later, Tseng left his office for a long, sleep inducing meeting with the President. That was when the crimson ninja struck.

That lying bastard. Of course he'd known where his slinky was, the git had had it in his draw all along! The least Reno could do now was continue the raid on his superiors desk, he owed it to the recently plundered Rude and Elena. Grinning, he set to work rifling through his superiors possessions.

Later that day Reno strolled out of the Turk department, slinky in hand, ready to kick some ass. Or not. As he'd strolled into the elevator and idea had formed inside his whirring little mind. That idea had grown and developed and now settled under the much deserved title of: Master Plan. So, whilst humming along to the tuneless elevator drone the red head bounced on the balls of his feet fidgeting excitedly. This had to be his greatest idea EVER.

First however, he needed to ensure he had an audience. With this in mind Reno headed to where he knew the president's meeting was taking place. The big, important looking room on the sixty second floor, the one with the extremely large television was where Rufus held all his meetings. Thankfully there weren't actually that many. Thank Gaia. Reeves were bad enough. Anyway. After locating the meeting room the ninja Turk commenced locking the occupants of the room inside. Reno, being Reno, had decided the only way to do this, was to solder the door shut. A surprisingly easy task to accomplish, as soon as he'd relieved the Scarlet bitch of one of her many blowtorches. Funnily enough, nobody seemed to bother him whilst he was carrying out this most important of tasks. Maybe they secretly wanted something interesting to happen around here for a change. Or maybe they just new better than to disturb an already disturbed Turk whilst he was wielding a blowtorch. After achieving stage two of his Master Plan, Reno headed back to the elevator of doom, where he immediately began humming that same stupid, looped tune. On and on it looped until…

Stepping out of the elevator for the second time, Reno entered the CCTV footage room whereupon the devious red head set to work re-wiring and re-diverting the CCTV camera footage to every single television in the building, after taking care of the security guard first that is. Finally, after setting a delay on the cameras and checking the guard's ropes were fastened nice and tightly, Reno hurried back into the elevator and jammed the button to the top floor. He knew he was going to regret it later, but for now he was content to just sit back and take the piss.

This was it. The pinnacle moment in his Turk career. Or so he'd like to believe. As the fire cracker Turk entered the top of the never ending staircase, he made sure he was facing the CCTV camera on the wall directly in front of him. After quickly consulting his watch, the read head counted down from thirty before beginning his Master Plan. Seconds later…:

"Yo! Rufus, Tseng I thought you could do with a little cheering up. And what better way to cheer someone up, than with a slinky…."

"Tseng. What the hell is your subordinate doing?" Rufus growled as a rather grainy image of Reno appeared on the enormous wide screen TV in front of them. Tseng could only watch in horror, and mild amusement, as the crimson fire cracker blathered on about slinky's and he wasn't entirely sure what else. What he did know however, was that if he didn't do something quick, Rufus was about to burst a blood vessel. Racing towards the door, Tseng tried to fling it open and hunt down the errant Turk. What actually happened was Tseng yanking the door and, not expecting it to resist, darted forwards, only to receive a door to the face. Things, Tseng decided, had just gotten a whole lot worse. Glancing at the infuriated president, Tseng corrected himself, NOW things had just gotten a hell of a lot worse.

"Now, if you'll bear with me a minute Zotto, and … There!" Reno knelt down and, taking the fluorescently coloured, plastic coil out of his pocket, he placed it on the very edge of the first step. Then, after a glance and a wave to the camera, poked it down the stairs, starting the beginning of it's very long journey allllllll the way down the sixty something flights of stairs. And just think, Rufus and Tseng would be able to watch the slinky in all it's multicoloured glory. With slightly sadistic glee, Reno headed back to the elevator for one, last, final trip. This time he headed straight to the ground floor to reunite with his beloved slinky. From there, he would get the hell out of the building as fast as he could, call in sick the next day, then avoid Rufus and Tseng like hell for at least another week or two. It all depended really, on just how long it took Mr. Slinky to travel down those sixty something flights. Four hours later, and Reno decided it might be best to call in sick for the next week.

Or better yet…Call in dead.

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Neko-Jin: The multi coloured slinky on my computer desk, right next to me inspired this one. And after that stupid level with the thousands of flights of stairs, how could I not have Reno take advantage of that? :D

Thanks for reading and…You know the rest by now!


	7. Quitting is not an option

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language mainly on Reno's part , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!

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"Reno, wait a minute!" The second in command whirled around as a familiar voice resounded in his ears. He forced his face to remain completely impassive.

"Reno, I know I don't normally try to save you from any form of punishment, but you've not seen Rufus recently, he's _mad_! And I don't mean angry mad, I'm talking maniacal laughter, full blown, nut job insania here!" For a moment, Reno remained completely motionless, stunned at his superiors sudden interest in his welfare. And then, his idiocy kicked in, and a lopsided grin spread across his face, masking all those other pesky, conflicting emotions.  
"Chill Boss man, I got it. I'm sure I'll find a way to get round Rufus, and if he tries anything, I'll quit!" And with that the redhead trotted off to grovel to his boss. Completely forgetting that to a Turk, quitting doesn't just apply to the job, it also applies to your life.

Tseng uncharacteristically nibbled his lip, wondering whether he should intervene or leave Reno to the fate of the president. If Reno could survive whatever punishment the president could dish out to him, then he could probably take on Sephiroth, Tseng reasoned. And if he didn't survive… Well now he was just being silly. Rufus might be deranged but he knew that good Turks were hard to come by, and expensive to train, so he wouldn't kill Reno. Surely.

Manners and respect towards others privacy gave way to curiosity causing Tseng to dart forwards and place his ear to the door of the presidents office. He listened intently, ignoring the worried looks of the receptionists and office workers behind him.

"Yo, I mean, er, good day. Rufus. Sir. President. Your Highness?" The stoic blonde merely gestured for his employee to take a seat. After carefully checking the seat for poison needles Reno reluctantly sat down. Even the enormous maple desk stretched out in front of him didn't seem like it was putting much distance between the two. Shifting restlessly, Reno chewed on a stray piece of hair, his eyes unable to even glance his boss's way. After several minutes of tortuous silence, it was Rufus who broke the silence.

"Reno, as of late things have been . . . difficult, for the company. Lawsuits, assassinations, failed missions, stupidly immature pranks and a hundred other reasons. And as you know, these things can seriously put a strain on even the strongest of wills. Even my own. That's why your little stunt last week with the slinky got me thinking. For once, you're right."

From somewhere outside the office, both Reno and Rufus heard a faint 'thump' against the steel door. Had they ventured outside they would have discovered a slightly dazed Tseng, still reeling from the presidents admission that Reno had actually been right about something, gripping the door frame as if for dear life.

"I think maybe it's time everyone had a break for once, don't you think so too Reno?" Feeling that it was expected of him Reno nodded dumbly. '_Why the hell aren't I dead yet_??" The flame haired annoyance wondered.

"Reno. I think Shinra should have a party."

For a second time, a resounding SMACK echoed throughout the building. Tseng, now suffering a mild concussion, couldn't believe what he was hearing. Maybe this was all part of some master plan to humiliate and destroy them all! Or maybe he as being serious . . . Maybe he really did need a break, and let's face it, Reno threw the wildest, stupidest parties in all of Midgar. And they were, as much as he hated to say it, actually really fun.

"Sir," Reno began cautiously. "Are you on drugs?" Outside the office, Tseng gave up the will to live.

"No Reno, unfortunately I'm not. Now, as punishment for last week I think it's only right that you should organise this little social get together. Don't worry about the bill, Shinra's paying for it. " Reno gaped, dumb founded, at the most definitely wacked out president in front of him.

"Oh and one more thing Reno." The red head nodded slightly, his brain functioning on autopilot.

"I think there should be a theme, something classy, after all, we are the biggest, richest and most powerful company on the planet. I was thinking something along the lines of gothic Lolita meets Victorian style dress." Reno nodded again, feeling about as useful as a puppet with its strings snipped. Stumbling out of the room as fast as he could and slamming the door behind him, the poor, dazed Turk didn't notice his boss lying face down in a crumpled heap on the floor until his foot snagged the comatose body and his face collided with the ground.

"Damn it! I swear to Gaia Tseng seriously . . ." The longer Reno stared at his love interest, the more he realised Tseng was out stone cold. And with no-one around to witness, maybe this was the closest thing to being with Tseng he'd ever get. Crawling on hands and knees, the subordinate made his way over to the sleeping Turk. For a few fleeting seconds he wondered whether there was something seriously wrong with him, but the desire burning a hole through his chest became unbearable to the point where he was kissing his flame just to alleviate the pain inside.

As he drew away slowly, he saw the supposedly sleeping man stir, in a blind panic the younger Turk dropped his boss before leaping back to a less incriminating distance. An uncomfortable minute unfolded between the two, as Reno prayed Tseng would stay out cold. After another painstakingly drawn out minute Reno let out a long held breath that he hadn't realised he'd been holding. After hauling his boss's surprisingly heavy frame over his shoulders the young Turk managed to drag him to the nearest elevator.

Too preoccupied with the dead weight slumped across his back, Reno failed to notice a cleverly disguised patch of shadow slip away unnoticed back into the depths of the Shinra building. And as the young Turk fretted over the condition of his crush, the shadow, now completely out of view, calmly pulled out a phone and slowly relayed every detail to the being on the other side.

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Neko-Jin: Dear God this one took a long time to write XD Sorry to anyone who's been waiting for this update, I promise I'll try to make them more regular from now on!

R n' R :3


	8. Skittle Vodka Kisses

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language mainly on Reno's part , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!

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"He was doing _**what **_with his tongue? Oh Gaia no! And the other one was completely out cold? " The loathsome, slimy creature snapped his mobile shut began to pace the large, dim, blank room. In the cold, black light some might be forgiven for thinking this was just another mindless Shinra drone working overtime. Oh if only this was true. Actually, the foul monstrosity had a name. He was called many different things by his fellow 'co-workers' though none of them polite enough to call out in public. Not that it stopped them. This _thing _was called Hojo. And now he knew a secret.

When Tseng came too the first thing he noticed was a flame haired Turk hunched over his desk furiously typing away at his computer. For a moment, Tseng considered the possibility he was actually doing work, feeling light headed as he did though, he quickly rid himself of such stupid thoughts. The younger Turk glanced his way and visibly started. Tseng grinned at the startled expression on Reno's face. The Turk unsteadily clambered to his feet and shakily made his way over to his subordinate. "Reno. Explain." The older man growled. In his mind, Tseng wasn't actually all that bothered. He'd woken up in worse places after all, and he had a pretty good idea as to why his lips tasted of skittle vodka. Yeah, you heard right. **Skittle **vodka. He only knew of one person who actually drank the stuff, and for some reason, he didn't care.

"Well boss, I was in that meeting yeah? And Rufus was all crazy and stuff. And he agreed with me and stuff. And he wants a party and I'm in charge, but there's a dress code right? And I asked him if he was on drugs and he said no, but I don't believe him, he's completely fucked over in my opinion. I swear to Gaia Tseng he-"  
"Yes, Reno. I know Rufus is . . . commonsensically challenged, but I want to know what happened to me."

Reno floundered and wildly scoured his mind for a suitable lie. '_I practically raped your tonsils'_ would NOT be a good choice. Finally he settled for good old fashioned, straight forward, run of the mill denial. Tseng couldn't disbelieve him if he hadn't even been conscious at the time, right? The only problem was, Reno was thinking. Bad things happened when Reno thought. Or tried too at any rate.

"Well Tseng to be perfectly honest I have no idea what happened to you. Erm. I heard off a person… A Shinra person. A mindless zombie dog sort of Shinra person that you had er, collapsed from…unknown circumstances and that you were holed up here because you, because, because you...Because you were! And so I was er, forced to wait here with you until you woke up so I could tell you that I- no! That you, that is to say we ki**-**… So I could tell you what I just said. Ok?" Reno babbled. As he'd chattered on he'd become increasingly aware of just how horrific he sounded. This was bad. Operation conversation diversion in progre-

A shrill ringing and a sudden vibration in the Turks pants cut his mental dialogue short, Tseng watched on as Reno dived for his phone, rummaging around in the wasteland that was his trouser pockets. After several minutes of phone hunting the red head casually flipped his cell and raised it to his ear.

"Heya this is Reno and who might you be darlin'?" The Turk drawled. Somewhere down the line _something_ sniggered, it's voice oily as it's hair and as greasy as Elena after a takeaway.  
"Reno this is your good friend Hojo, I was just wondering if you fancied calling down for a little…examination?" Reno gagged.  
"Oh dear lord how the hell did you get my number? I thought you got a restraining order against me or something for 'supposedly' setting that rabid chocobo on you too. And no way in hell am I ever going to let you violate me, whether it be in the name of science or not!" The snigger returned with a vengeance causing the bottom to drop out of Reno's stomach.  
"I wouldn't be too quick to turn away boy, because I know your dirty little secret, and I have proof!" It took a while for the threat to sink in.  
"WHOA there slime ball, just what the hell are you getting at?" The line went dead.

Reno glared at the phone, almost willing that scummy mutant freak from downstairs to ring him back. After another minute of 'epic death glares' Reno called it quits and dropped the phone on his desk indignantly. Hojo was bull shitting, he had to be! No way in hell could he know about Tseng. Let alone have evidence of them…together. '_I can't have been __**that **__obvious can I?! I haven't even seen Hojo lately_. _I thought he was dead!_' Reno thought grimly.

"Reno! The president needs to see you, immediately. I just got a message from him, says it's urgent." Tseng barked. Still slightly flustered the crimson haired Turk nodded in his superiors general direction and dashed out the door, desperate not to drop himself in it. Today had been a close call after all.

In his haste the red head forgot to pick up his mobile. The small, black device without warning began buzzing and screeching which stopped seconds later. In the wake of it's disruption Tseng had wandered over to the offending piece of circuitry and was silently debating whether or not to check it. Smirking he grabbed the phone and flipped back the cover. His smile froze.

_You want proof Reno, well here it is, don't say I didn't warn you.  
__-Hojo_

Later that evening Tseng poured himself a large glass of suspiciously clear, un-water-like liquid that had taken him ages to find. He stretched out languorously across his enormous, white, leather sofa. Sipping his drink slowly he smiled as he recalled the last time he'd tasted the sweet concoction. Swirling the little remaining liquid left in his glass Tseng mentally chided himself for allowing the stupid novice Turk to get him addicted to something as stupid as skittle vodka.

Reaching into his jacket the Turk pulled out a small black phone and opened it, scrolling through the pictures on it until he found the right one. He scrutinized the image again. A long, sleek, lithe body hunched over another seemingly unconscious one. A waterfall of crimson hair cascaded down the fiery siren's never ending back and it's mouth clamped firmly to what appeared to be Tseng's. The raven Turk admired the image once more before reluctantly hitting the delete button.

Because it was all fun and games until someone got hurt. And Tseng really didn't want that 'someone' to be Reno.

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Neko-Jin: dun Dun DUN so Tseng **DOES **like Reno. Well who'da thunk it? And just who is this mysterious spy Hojo's got working for him? **And **how long is it gonna be before Reno realises he's in with a chance, and how many more stupid encounters is it going to take for him to get a clue?  
Having said that this **is **Reno we're talking about here, so you guys could be here for quite a while………..Hope you enjoyed! R & R please :3


	9. Hysterics and failed logistics

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately.

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

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Slowly, one by one thousands of tiny metal cogs silently ground to a halt. Little by little brain cells flickered out like dying fireflies. Like a mass genocide of the fireflies. Fireflies dying so quickly in fact that it could have been a re-enactment of the extinction of the dinosaurs.

And thus Reno's brain shut down.

Thinking had never been his forte, it had always been something he'd left to Rude or Elena, or something he'd used as an excuse to annoy the hell out of Tseng. But now even Tseng wouldn't be able to save help him. For the problem which plagued Reno so relentlessly was so stupidly impossible, thinking was irrelevant. Groping for his cup of sugar in the dim light of his office Reno groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose as the beginnings of a headache threatened to surface.  
"Good Gaia," He muttered aloud, " I'm turning into Tseng, and I'm only twenty three for fucks sake. And I'm talking to myself. Again. Oh shit, somebody's coming! And why the hell am I still talking to m-" Reno paused mid flow, his runaway tongue securely pinned down by two rows of his pearly whites. He automatically leapt to his feet as a dark, shadow shrouded figure glided almost silently across the office floor, quickly closing in on the sleep deprived Turk.  
"Reno?" It asked. " It's 2:00 a.m. What the hell are you still doing in your office?" Reno groaned, tonight he thought could _not _get any more complicated.

"I'm not doing work if that's what you're worried about Tseng." Reno quipped, knowing full well this was not the answer his superior was looking for. The raven haired man shook his head and folded his arms across his chest.  
"No, Reno, that's not what I asked. What are you doing? If it was another stupid prank I'd have heard about it already, besides, you wouldn't waste valuable sleeping time just to get one over on Elena or Rude." For a moment, Reno remained silent, the lack of sugar or indeed lack of anything to his brain was seriously affecting his ability to concentrate. After a few more attempts at forming those tricky little syllabic bastards, also known as words, he gave up and resigned himself to a nonchalant shrug.  
"Listen, whatever it is are you sure I can't help? I can't have my Turks turning up to work completely sleep deprived because of some silly little problem they were too proud to ask for help about." Sighing, Reno threw himself back into a chair and motioned for Tseng to do the same. After desperately trying to scrape some sensible, coherent and completely non perverted thoughts together, Reno finally managed to string together a plausible sentence.

"Y'see boss, it's this damn party thing of Rufus's. I know it doesn't sound that important but after the slinky incident . . . And it's not like he hasn't already threatened to shoot me before. Anyway, it's just that I've got about three weeks to get this stupid thing organised and so far I haven't even thought of a theme. I was going to say 'if it were left to me I'd just get a shit load o' alcohol and get wrecked.' But it is left up to me and Rufus would seriously blow my brains out if I did that . . . So, got any ideas?"

The room fell silent. Finger pressed firmly on lips Tseng cast his eyes to the ceiling already deep in concentration and remained motionless for what seemed like an age. After a while the 'stone man' impression began to unnerve the younger Turk. Shifting restlessly Reno tried to stop staring at his superior, and pretended to ignore the fact he was fighting a losing battle. He licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed nervously. Being shut in his dimly lit office in the early hours of the morning, completely isolated and shut off from everyone and everything, it should have been heaven!

Shifting position again Reno gnawed on his lower lip, forcing his eyes to the floor. '_I must not think dirty things, I must keep focused and I mustn't make eye con- DON'T STARE AT HIM YOU IDIOT!' _

Startled by his subconscious's unexpected and somewhat loud warning Reno shook his head viciously and gripped the arms of his chair. The fine hairs on the back of his slender neck stood on end, and that familiar feeling of being watched crept over him, enveloping him in discomfort. Reluctantly, he forced his eyes up.

Knees, that was as good a place as any to stare at . . . Who the hell was he kidding, he sure as hell wasn't staring at Tseng's knees.

"Reno my face is up here." Tseng deadpanned.

"Whoa, fuck yo!" The red head yelped, " Jeez Tseng I think I'm fallin' asleep here, maybe we should get off- I mean maybe we should get to bed. NOTINTHATWAY! I mean . . . Shit!" Leaping to his feet Reno flashed an embarrassed, sheepish grin in the general direction of his wannabe boyfriend and darted out of the office. Tseng waited until the dust had settled in the wake of his subordinates sudden departure before allowing another of his secret smiles. He couldn't help it, Reno really did bring out the sadist in him. Not that he'd ever want to hurt Reno of course, but watching his subordinate squirm was too good to miss.

After all the grief Reno put him through every day, Tseng felt he deserved this little victory.

Dawn rolled over the edge of the horizon bathing the land in an iridescent glow and, as usual, Reno missed it. In fact it was near noon when Reno strolled in characteristically late and looking as though he'd spent the night in an alley. Strutting past the secretary he sent a saucy wink and raunchy look her way, just to brighten up her day, or so he told himself. Much to his surprise he found the office still barren upon his return, and thankfully, there was a distinct lack of Tseng in the atmosphere. Snickering to himself Reno unravelled his games controller from the inside pocket of his blazer and began untangling the wire as he made his way over to his computer. Work, he reasoned, was in abundance. Therefore to maintain the correct balance he would need to buckle down and do some serious non work.

Diving onto his special super swivelly gaming chair Reno leant over to switch his computer on when a lonesome post it note leapt out at him from the corner of his eye. Ripping it off the monitor he glanced over the neat, precise handwriting. '_Oh Gaia no, please don't let it be Tseng . . ." _Reno pleaded. The disturbingly bright note read:

_"After your sudden . . . Departure last night, I remembered about a party a while ago the president held. It had a Gothic Lolita theme, and considering Halloween's coming up, it could be worth looking into. I'd imagine most people should still have their costumes too, or at least know where to rent them from. Hope this helps._

I bet you'd look good in a corset too.

_-Tseng"_

Whoa.  
Shit.  
What???  
_"I bet you'd look good in a corset too." _After devouring the same line several times over with hungry eyes Reno finally let out a long breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding. A slow, deliberate grin spread out across his face. Kicking his feet in the air Reno spun round in his chair laughing giddily. And as the world gradually began to ease into focus, one tiny, thoughtless little doubt wormed it's way into his head.

What if Tseng was messing with him? What if it was just a joke, a harmless, meaningless joke. Despite his reluctance to admit it, Reno liked to believe Tseng considered him something of a friend. He'd convinced himself long ago his boss couldn't have feelings for him, not like he wanted anyway, but maybe somewhere deep inside that fortress of solstice and solitude, maybe . . .

No.  
Who was he trying to kid? Tseng was just fooling around with him, joking with him, as hard as it is to believe. It was rare to see him show a sense of humor, but not unheard of. Thrusting the note angrily into his pocket, the flame haired Turk rose calmly out of his chair and strode out of the office, fiercely dragging the chair and a nearby fire extinguisher with him.

From somewhere far below him, well out of the safety of his own office, Tseng swore he heard the distant screams of bewildered Shinra staff. Further listening also hinted at the presence of a familiar pyro nuisance. Frowning slightly, he concentrated harder on the mumbled cries, but all that he managed to make out were the words chair, fire extinguisher, fo-

. . . . . . .

Ah.

Reno + chair x fire extinguisher = Major headache for Tseng

Grinning, Tseng sat back in his chair and ran a hand through his long, ebony hair. A quiet snigger soon escalated into full blown laughter, clutching his sides Tseng doubled over, tears streaming from his golden brown eyes. Letting the mask fall away, the highly esteemed leader of the Turks succumbed to full blown hysterics, he laughed until he thought his sides were about to split and laughed until he snorted, which only further fuelled his uncharacteristic fit of overexcitement.

Eventually calming himself down Shinra's most feared man swiftly straightened himself up to his usual, beyond perfect standards.

And then he waited.

And waited.

And oh how he longed to see that lanky, foam drenched idiot come waltzing into the room, spinning in circles, arms outstretched, cackling away, completely immersed in his own little world.  
A world Tseng desperately wished he was part of. The latch clicked and the door edged open. Tseng sat up.

And once again the mask slid back into place and the walls came up.  
And once again he was alone, pathetically longing for the next distraction to take place.  
Because only Reno knew how to bring the walls crashing down around his ears in a flurry of hysteria and catastrophe.  
And only Reno could keep him hanging on, waiting for more again and again.

Only Reno.

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Neko-Jin- Good God this was a long one. I've been having a lot of computer problems, so I hope this makes up for the delay! Sorry to keep you waiting guys, R&R and you know the rest by now :3


	10. The order of the foam

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

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Grinning from ear to ear Reno dashed across the room and dived onto a sleek, black, _expensive_, leather recliner before slamming both his feet firmly onto Tseng's desk. Neither man spoke, although Tseng mentally noted the rapidly expanding puddle of foam forming on his desk and on his brand new leather recliner. The brand new leather recliner he'd just bought in fact, to replace the other brand new leather recliner that had been completely destroyed by none other than Reno.

It wasn't even worth pointing out the irony.

Reno on the other hand, dripping with foam, continued to stare politely at his boss. He even folded his arms in a display of mock impatience. Smirking to himself Reno, despite the discomfort, refused to budge from the wet, squishy, mess he'd managed to create for himself, all in Tseng's chair. '_Best. Payback. Ever._' Reno thought, beaming with barely self contained pride. Reno watched as Tseng calmly raised his arms and forced both elbows violently onto the table sending a shower of foam spraying both himself and the red haired menace. Resting his chin on his hands Tseng calmly continued staring at his subordinate.

Reno began to panic.

'_Shit. Shit. Shit. FUCK, yo! I've really messed this up, he must be really mad if he isn't lecturing me yet.' _Defiant to the end Reno crushed his arms ever so slightly towards his chest and kept his now somewhat terrified grin frozen in place.

Ignoring the foamy mess seeping uncomfortably through the elbows of his jacket, Tseng continued with his silent cerebral assassin. Reno twitched again, his right eye the only thing betraying his silent inner torture. Tseng allowed himself the slightest of smirks. Just one small enough to really make Reno worry.  
"So Tseng, you gonna bust my ass or what yo?" Reno finally asked, his too cheerful demeanor seeping through the cracks in his otherwise flawless performance. Tseng smirked wider, flashing his teeth like an alligator eying up its next meal.  
"I can make you hurt." Tseng whispered. He watched with hidden glee as the colour drained from his subordinates face, although the terrified smile held steadfast.

"That's worrying, yo. But seriously, I'm ready for the grief now. Y'all can tell me how much of a fuck up I am now. Tseng?" Reno asked, practically begging. Cocking his head to one side Tseng smiled a mirthless smile.

"Reno." The unruly Turk glanced up.  
"Run."

Gasping for breath the wiry Turk slid further down into his seat and huddled further into the safety of his chair. A nervous laugh escaped his lips. Closing his eyes, Reno took a long, deep lungful of air before slowly reaching for his phone and hitting the speed dial.

"Is it safe to come out now?" He heard a profound sigh on the other end of the line.

"Sure."  
"Sure? You don't sound so damn sure! Come on buddy, this is serious! You have any idea how hard it is to stretch out in a fuckin' helicopter!" Another sigh Reno noted. Not quite as long as the previous one, but just as disdainful.  
"Reno. Just come out. Do you have any idea how much work you've got to catch up on when you get back." Rude sensed his partner frowning on the other end.

"You're not exactly selling it too me bud." Chuckling slightly, Reno slid open the door and unfolded himself out of his hiding place and onto the helipad. Stretching his arms he strolled across the roof, round the back of his beloved chopper and straight into trouble.

For days after Rude swore he could still hear the word 'Traitor!' screeching around the inside of his head. This however, was a small price to pay for the sudden and _completely _unexpected rise in standards of the staff toilets.

Reno was getting really good with a toothbrush.

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Neko-Jin- Again, sorry for the delay, and as I've said before unfortunately there's nothing I can do about it. :/

And so I leave you with this thought loyal followers: Skittle vodka and Slinkies make the world go round. G'night and Gaia bless :D


	11. The gravity of it all

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

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Shit.  
It was lilac.  
Almost.  
With ribbons.  
And feathers.  
And _frills_.  
It disgusted him to his very core, made him shudder violently at the sheer thought of even touching the damned thing. Grimacing, he gingerly reached for the offending piece of material with reluctant fingers. He prodded it somewhat immaturely, and watched in horror as it unfurled from it's perch over the back of his chair and slithered to the floor with a velvety thud.  
Yuck. Recoiling slightly he gritted his teeth and snatched at the disgusting item of clothing and threw it back over the chair. Turning his back on it with a quiet sigh of relief Reno shut his bedroom door and left his apartment for work with more enthusiasm than was really necessary.

" So Reno, how'd it fit?" Elena enquired innocently, her chirpy, upbeat demeanour grating on Reno's very last nerve.  
"I can't wear it 'Lena. I just can't. Have you seen it for fucks sake? It's disgusting!"  
"Of course I've seen it Reno," Elena said through clenched teeth. " it was mine to begin with. Remember."  
"Ah. Yeah, that's right it is. Good Gaia do you have shit taste in clothes or what? I don't even want to imagine what **you **looked like in it. Musta looked like a velvet peacock crashed into a really posh mummy or something and was sick all over you. Nasty yo."

Seconds later the tactless red head found himself the wrong side of a fist full of extremely sharpened pencils. A few fleeting moments after that the thoughtless, and now slightly bloody Turk found he had a sudden newfound fear of the very same very pointy pencils.  
Glancing around the empty corridors Reno considered his next plan of action. Tseng would know better than to bring his fancy dress outfit anywhere near the vicinity of his unruly subordinate, Elena was off limits as of right now. At least until she was a safe distance from any more stationary. So all that left was Rude. Rude was around here somewhere. He had to be.

Operation: Disrupt Rude! was now officially underway. But where was he? Scouring the remnants of his brain cells Reno reasoned his big, bald amigo was either in the canteen or in the gym. It was already 1:30pm so chances were he'd already finished his lunch., therefore he must be training! Or so Reno falsely assumed.

Bounding down the desolate Shinra corridors like a puppy on acid Reno eventually slid to an abrupt halt in front of the gym doors. Snickering, he silently edged the doors open and slid round the corner. Almost bent double the 'wanna' ninja prowled the outer reaches of the gym. Peering from behind the rack of weights he suddenly realised he was completely alone. Standing up straight he scratched his head, completely dumbfounded. A light bulb flickered on and he flashed one of his 100 watt smiles as another idea clicked into place. Somersaulting and back flipping his way out of the gym he crashed into the changing rooms and paused, arms outstretched, beaming from ear to ear, expecting a rush of applause for his amazing acrobatic feats. Or at the very least a sigh.

And still nothing. The smile faltered and more than a little downcast Reno turned to leave.  
And then he heard it.  
A steady rush of water beating down against the other side of the wall. The shower room. Oh Gaia this was perfect. Smirking ruthlessly, Reno flexed his fingers and cracked them accordingly. This was gonna be fun.

The swirling vapours provided almost perfect concealment. As he stalked through the dense, impenetrable mists he ran his fingertips along the tiled walls, letting the condensation slip through his lithe fingers. The wall to his left soon came to an end and he listened intently as the tiles rang from the constant onslaught of the water. It was almost deafening. Heart thudding in his chest he leant with his back against the wall and closed his eyes. Arms outstretched, Reno threw himself round the corner screaming as loudly as he possible.  
"FUCKIN R-!"  
"Shit! RENO!?"  
"Ah Gawds, Tseng?!"

Reno watched in horror as his esteemed boss tried to preserve his modesty and scrabble desperately for a towel. Standing there, mouth agape, Reno couldn't tear his eyes away. He wanted too but-No. That was a lie, he **didn't **want to look away at all, that was the problem. Eventually a flustered and highly annoyed Tseng found a towel and threw it hastily round his waist. The half incredulous, half infuriated glare the superior Turk was sending bore deep into Reno's skull. Desperately trying to conceal the scarlet blush flaring across his cheeks and nose Reno stumbled backwards, tripping over his own feet as the [sexy] juggernaught that was Tseng descended in all his [sexy] rage.

So busy was he in trying to explain himself he only raised his voice when Tseng began shouting back at him. Reno continued to retreat, eyes not able to stare directly into his superior's. Both their voices continuing to rise until the they were almost screaming at each other. Reno collided with the cold, tiled wall behind him with a wet _slap, _his voice faltering for a second as he realised he was trapped. The fury in Tseng's eyes made Reno's heart grind to a halt. His throat tightened and his face paled, his arms pressed flat against the wall and his head turned away. The way Tseng clenched his fists, the way he raised them in front of his body, they almost seemed to demand blood.

Slamming his fist into the wall with shattering force Tseng barred the red head in. The flesh and bone tore into the stark white wall, shattering the tiles, showering the two with hundreds of tiny hot, sharp, shards. Reno cried out before letting his hand fly towards his mouth. He bit down hard against the back of his own hand to stifle another scream. He wasn't weak. He wasn't scared. He was **not **afraid of Tseng.  
He was terrified of him. He'd never seen his boss this angry before.

But he hadn't done anything. Not really. He was pretty damn sure he'd done a hell of a lot worse to Tseng in the past. This was nothing in comparison.  
**So why was he so angry**?

Shaking violently Reno tried to calm his shattered nerves, but to no avail. His entire body trembled as the continuous barrage of enraged words pounded into him. This was worse than any physical beating he'd ever endured, it was the worst form of mental torture he'd ever encountered. Buckling almost under the onslaught of words Reno forced his eyes shut as shameful tears threatened to surface.  
A rough hand forced his face forwards, strong fingers resting just under his cheekbones and a thumb pressed tightly over his quivering lips, holding his head firmly in place. Reno inhaled sharply and suddenly, causing him to choke and cough, catching himself off guard he opened his eyes for only a fraction of a second before forcing them shut again. He wasn't even listening to the words anymore, their message was clear.

He'd messed up.

He'd blown whatever slim chance he might've had with Tseng and it had all been over a stupid fucking mistake anyway. Mentally raging at himself for being so stupid and careless and weak Reno felt the hot, bitter tears flow faster through clenched eyes. He could feel his superior's hot, angry breath on his face which made him try even harder to turn his face away. He even tried to shove his boss away, but his arms were forced back as Tseng leant all his weight against the younger mans slight frame.

The unexpected closeness of his secret crushes body against his own startled the younger, terrified Turk. He tried to recoil from the violent embrace but was met with resistance from both sides. He felt the damp rising from Tseng's naked torso and seep though his own shirt. He could feel warm, moist skin flat against him.  
He felt like he wanted this more than anything else.

Reno felt the blush flare up again across his face as he felt an all too familiar tightening in his pants. _'This isn't happening. THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!' _He mentally howled. Tseng had to know, he couldn't not feel it!  
Feeling the last shred of his dignity slip away a violent sob racked his body so hard his eyes fluttered open and he sucked in a lungful of wet, steamy air. A pair of lips collided with his open mouth, dragging the air back out of his lungs. A hand cradled the back of the siren's fiery hair, pulling the two faces even closer together in a bone shattering kiss.  
With a sudden, terrifying burst of strength Reno forced his arms up breaking apart the embrace and with a power he never knew he had, he sent his palms crashing into the bulkier frame in front of him, sending the startled Tseng reeling.

He wanted this. But it couldn't happen. It wasn't _allowed _too! It was all wrong, it was angry and bitter and Reno knew Tseng didn't really want this. It was out of pity for him, it had to be! And Reno didn't want pity.

Screaming out loud Reno pushed himself from the freezing wall, his jacket and shirt completely soaked through, his ponytail dripping wet. Tseng made to grab the red head's arm, his voice pleading with him, _imploring _with him to understand. Ripping himself from the other's grasp Reno flew backwards, his feet slipping beneath him on the treacherously wet floor.  
"RENO!" Tseng yelled as he desperately dived for his subordinate.  
Arms outstretched Tseng's fingertips brushed against porcelain skin, too far away to stop the fall.

Reno's skull made a sickening crack that reverberated around the room as it smashed against the unrelenting wall. Aquamarine eyes flared before disappearing behind a scarlet mist as blood painted the walls red.

Tseng froze.

As he lifted the body, bloody fragments of skull hurtled to the ground and lay to rest with the shattered remenants of tiles.

And when the mist finally cleared, the walls were smeared red, everything was broken, and nothing would ever be the same again.

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Neko-Jin- Cliff hanger mayhaps?

R n' R?


	12. Why it never pays to be a receptionist

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

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Doors flung open and horrified onlookers subconsciously darted backwards. And if they didn't move quickly enough, they were _forced _out of the way. A steady trail of blood ebbed down his arm and decorated the floor. He slipped more than once on the perilous substance which seemed intent on killing them both. Cradling the body closer to his bare chest Tseng never imagined he'd be carrying Reno bridal style quite like _this_.

The door to the Shinra building infirmary swung open with brutal force and within seconds the limp body was prised from his numb, dead fingers. Still dripping wet Tseng just stood there, nearly dead himself. The bottom had dropped out of his stomach long ago leaving only an empty chasm, and his heart felt like it was trying to rip itself from his chest. His mind was still in overdrive though and hadn't quite caught up with recent events. He felt like he'd been standing in the same spot for an eternity.

But nobody touched him.

No-one made any move to console or reassure him. Because he was a Turk. The _leader _of the Turks. He didn't feel pain or sorrow. He wasn't designed to love. He felt their eyes rest everywhere but on him. Shivering violently in the abrupt chill he felt his flesh crawl and skin tighten. Flexing his fingers in a futile attempt to keep them from stiffening he stared with a burning intensity at the clinically white floor. He felt so out of place in this sterile, bleached world. He felt wrong.

Not far behind him an impatient voice echoed down the halls.

"What's that stupid idiot done now?" Elena growled. " I **told **him eating that foam would put him in hospital but would he liste-" She was hushed mid rant by a swift, penetrating glare from Rude.  
She understood instantly.

And she nearly screamed when she looked ahead of her at the broken image of a man standing completely alone in a crowd of people.

Eyes freezing over she barged her way through, knocking people to the ground, throwing them aside, whatever it took. Grabbing her superior roughly by the arm, a move which under normal circumstances may have cost her the loss of a number of limbs, Elena dragger her superior away from prying eyes and into a deserted corridor.

"Rude, go into the changing rooms and find Tseng's locker, it's TDE001. Find him a change of clothes and another towel. And hurry up." Rude nodded and hurried out of the secluded area and out of the infirmary. As he passed through the waiting room for a second time the excited murmurings died down and silence descended upon the room. The gazes of a hundred curious eyes burning into the back of his skull as he left. And before he was even out of earshot the whispering flared up again.

"Tseng? Can you hear me?" Elena asked softly.  
"Don't patronise me Elena, I am not a child." He snapped angrily. Elena flinched slightly as his words cut through her. Watching her recoil slightly, Tseng felt the sudden surge of anger die down slightly. She was only trying to help.  
"Sorry Elena, you didn't deserve that. I'm just . . . . Tired. That's all." Nodding slowly Elena folded her arms loosely and leant with her back against a nearby wall.  
"You ok, sir?" She asked, trying desperately to keep the concern hidden amongst her words at bay.  
"I'm fine Elena. Don't worry about me." He stated, a slight tremor to his voice. But how could she not worry? He was obviously shaken over whatever had happened to Reno, _and therein lies the problem_, she thought. This was Reno. And Tseng cared about what happened to Reno. He _really_ cared about what happened to Reno. This was wrong.

This was the man who slaughtered indiscriminately. Ripped mothers and fathers away from their children, tore families apart with his ruthless killings. The man who had never once wept or shown any emotion that ranged beyond [relatively] happy and downright damned insane. The man who had fought against his own country in times of war, had massacred his countrymen, his friends and maybe even his family members because of his commitment to the Shinra Corporation.

This was a man who didn't feel love and compassion the way everyone else did.

This was a broken, hollow shell of a man. A man whose last ray of happiness was somehow, inexplicably gone. _'This,' _Elena thought, _'this is his breaking point. Reno is his limit. If Reno's gone, so has Tseng. He can't care any more for anyone else than he does for Reno.' _A sharp, shrill beeping snapped her out of her thoughts. Quickly, her hand dived into her jacket and reached for her cell, her eyes fixed firmly on her boss.

"Rude?"  
"It's a bloodbath." He stated.  
"W- what?" Elena stuttered. Before she even heard the reply, a frost settled across the back of her neck, running the length of her spine it chilled her to the core.  
"Everywhere, it's covered in blood. It's-"  
"Rude!?" She yelled.  
She received nothing but static. And then,  
"I'm here. It's just . . . wrong. The tiles are smashed in the showers, there's blood everywhere a-and I think there's bits of bone on the floor. It's Reno's, it's got to be Reno's."  
Rude had faltered. He never faltered.  
"Just get back here with the stuff as soon as possible. Come on Rude, we'll fix all this when you get back."

Glancing quickly at the broken man by her side, she couldn't help but wonder if indeed any of this could be fixed.

Minutes later Rude crashed emphatically through a nearby door giving Elena the fright of her life, his arms laden with various clothes and a towel as per request. Handing them over to their leader they turned their backs out of respect and allowed him some privacy. After a moment he coughed, signalling for them to turn around. And if it were possible, Tseng somehow managed to look even more lost fully dressed, than when he was stood in the middle of the hospital soaked to the skin in only a towel. The baggy slacks seemed to drown him and the grey vest that clung to his still damp torso made him seem so vulnerable and frail. A thought Elena wisely kept to herself.

"So what happened?" Rude asked, earning daggers from Elena for his bluntness. Tseng merely sighed, his hazel eyes never once leaving the floor. He never expected Rude to tiptoe round his feelings if there was information about Reno that he needed to hear. He was glad. Reno deserved a friend like Rude.

"I was in the shower, as you probably gathered," The raven haired man began, "and Reno had crept into the shower room. I have no idea why, probably one of his silly pranks, but looking back I think he was actually looking for someone else. Probably you, Rude. Although why he wanted to catch you in the shower I have no idea, and frankly I don't want to know. Anyway, he jumped out from behind me and started screaming and shouting. He startled me. He startled himself too. It was embarrassing all around and let's just say I didn't have _quite _enough time to grab a towel." Elena blushed slightly and Rude let out an almost inaudible groan.  
"I could tell he was absolutely mortified, but something in me just clicked and I don't know why but I just flipped out."

"Today . . . Has probably been the worst, most trying and depressing day of my life so far, even before this happened. The shower thing was just the final straw. But I was embarrassed for Reno! I wasn't angry at him, well I was, but I was angry _for _him as well because I knew he was kicking himself, and that just made me worse. I screamed at him and I yelled at him and I tore him down. I threatened him and I backed him against the wall. And then I punched it, right next to his head and he was terrified, but I didn't stop screaming. He must've thought I was going to hurt him. And then I have no idea why, but I-"

Elena and Rude leant in.

"I-I . . . must have looked as if I were about to hit him, because he was crying and he pushed me away. And when he tried to run he slipped on the floor. And I tried to grab him but I, I couldn't! I couldn't help him! And this is _all my fault_." Tseng shouted, seemingly unaware he'd started yelling.

Nobody spoke for a long while. Elena didn't try to comfort her superior, no matter how much she wanted to. Rude said nothing. He just didn't know what to say. And Tseng clutched his head and mentally attacked himself for being such a dick. He fell back against a nearby wall and slid down it slowly. Ebony strands fell across his face and curled round his fingers. Eventually, the mental torment ceased, and Tseng stood. He wiped his dry, burning eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Sweeping his hair back into something like normal he pushed past the two bewildered Turks and headed out into the crowds.

Ignoring the queue he surged through the mass of flesh and promptly dragged the person at the head of the line out of it.  
"Where's Reno?" He demanded. The woman behind the desk edged back nervously.  
"Reno? I don't think we have anyone admitted by tha-"  
"The man I brought in. You couldn't miss him. Bleeding everywhere, half his skull missing. Where is he?" Tseng growled impatiently.  
'O-oh, right. Him. Well he's in theatre now," the secretary whimpered. " But you can't go in yet! Excuse me, SIR!" Tseng ignored her pleas and with grim determination charged down the corridor, Rude and Elena followed in hot pursuit.

His brain seemed to be working in auto pilot because his legs were taking him were he needed to go, but he wasn't directing them. And seconds later he was there. Theatre. But the doors were locked, and there were no windows. He knew he couldn't just barge in. He'd do more harm than good. But he couldn't just sit by and do nothing, and he knew from past experiences with severely injured recruits that he was going to be waiting around for hours.

Smirking ruthlessly, and with quite a disjointed view on the world, Tseng decided he was going to do something 'productive' with his time.

As he re-entered the waiting room, Tseng noticed everyone suddenly seemed _extremely _reluctant to stand near him. _'Oh well.' _He thought, heading for the front desk. Jumping over the counter he unceremoniously shoved a young lady from her seat and slid back over the desk with the chair. It had wheels on it. Grinning impassively Tseng made his way out of the main doors, making sure to pick up one last thing on his way out.

_Fire Extinguisher_.

Rude and Elena gave up the will to live.

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Neko-Jin- Well that's one way of coping with stress. I personally prefer the 'screamingateveryoneuntiltheirearsbleedandtheirbrainsrupture' approach. It works for me ;3

R n' R plz


	13. Elevator KO

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

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He didn't really know how he'd gotten here, but he was cool with it he decided. Throwing the empty fire extinguisher over his shoulder Tseng bypassed the numerous foam drenched Shinra employees who had stopped to stare in awe at the renegade Turk. Grinning madly as he passed them Tseng made his way to the elevator. He was bored already and he'd only managed to cause the bare minimum amount of damage in the 15 minutes he'd been let loose. Sighing dejectedly, the raven haired rebel jabbed the button to call the elevator. Folding his arms across his chest he tapped his foot impatiently, mentally willing the elevator to hurry the fuck up. Pausing mid tap Tseng heard a sound so terrible it sent shivers down his spine. The incessant screeching and squawking was heading his way. Gritting his teeth he braced himself for the impact.

_Ding _

"Kya Ha Ha Kya Ha Ha Ha Ha!" The blonde banshee howled.

The elevator doors slid open, and before it even realised where it was, two bare feet planted themselves firmly into it's face. The monstrosity crashed to the ground with a sickening thud. Blood spurted violently from it's mangled nose, but judging by the rasping, wheezing sound it was making, Tseng assumed it was still alive. Dragging the bloody carcass out of his way he slipped into the metal box just as the doors slid shut.

"Rufus?"

"Tseng? What in the hell are you doing here? I thought you'd be in the hospital waiti-"  
"I'm bored of waiting." The bedraggled Turk stated rather matter-of-factly. Rufus straightened in his seat and rested his chin on his steepled fingers. This was a problem. Reno was easy enough to deal with, you just forced him to do something completely menial with the threat of a gunshot to the foot if he didn't comply. Or dangle something shiny in front of him, either way. Fair enough it didn't exactly deter him, but the only real Reno deterrent was a bullet to the head. And they simply just didn't have enough Turks to replace him with. Tseng on the other hand was a completely different story. He never acted out, not in public anyway, and he sure as hell never walked around barefoot in his gym outfit.

Rufus tried to be diplomatic.

"Tseng. You've been working hard lately, and now what with this unfortunate incident with Reno, it must be taking it's toll. Maybe you should take a couple of days off?" Word traveled fast in the Shinra building. For a moment Tseng appeared to be contemplating the idea, his brow furrowed slightly as he ran it through his head.

"Fuck you. Sir."

could have gone better.

"Tseng think of this as an order. Go home, get rested up and check back in at the hospital tomorrow morning and see how Reno is. He's been in that infirmary enough times to know the staff on first name terms. He'll be looked after, don't you worry about that." Mentally crossing his fingers, Rufus prayed silently Tseng would concede. If he knew Tseng half as well as he thought he did, his subordinate wouldn't deny a direct order.  
"I don't think you understood me sir. F-U-C-K-Y-O-U. Clear enough for you?"

Obviously not well enough then.

This called for drastic measures.  
"Tseng before you go, I just thought you should know . . . Nah, it doesn't matter, you've obviously got enough on your plate as it is." Rufus said, waving Tseng off. Intrigued, Tseng persevered.  
"What is it sir?"  
"Oh, nothing, it doesn't matter." Rufus pretended to lie, desperately trying to hide the enormous grin threatening to surface.  
"No sir, come on tell me. I want to know!" Tseng asked impatiently.  
"Well, normally I'd have asked Reno to do this, but seeing as he's laid up in hospital sporting only half a skull. . . ." Tseng flinched slightly at the subtle accusation, "I was wondering whether you could fill in for him? But if you're too busy I'm sure I can leave this small assignment, and the rest of Reno's ever mounting work, until he gets back. Might have to cut his sick leave time in half though. Oh well I'm sure he can suffer for a few days, or weeks, right?" The look on Tseng's face. . . If the circumstances weren't so damned depressing Rufus might have laughed out loud.

"You know you can't do that sir! It's against company policy rules and-"  
"You forget Tseng, I **am **the company, these are **my **rules and besides, we're understaffed as it is. Someone needs to do it."  
"Well, whatever it is sir I'll do it. I mean, what's the point of having Reno back if he's only going to be able to accomplish half as much work in double the time? I mean, he already does next to no work and that takes up nearly all his work time anyway."  
"Well then Tseng, I need you to go to Scarlet and inqui-"  
"Ah."

Rufus mentally slammed his head into a brick wall.

"What is it Tseng?" He growled.  
"Well, Scarlet is. . . . Temporarily delayed, or so I believe. . . ." Tseng lied. Images of Scarlet's unsuspecting face, heavily caked in what could possibly still be car paint, flashed across his mind.  
"How delayed Tseng?" The president demanded.  
"Possibly forever. Sir."  
"What?! How the hell did this happen?!"  
_I face planted the bitch, that's how! _Tseng mentally beamed.

"Honestly sir? I have no idea." He lied.

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Neko Jin- Sneaky lil' bastard innee :P And just how the hell is Rufus gonna get Tseng to take a break? And will Reno ever wake up? And how long will it be before anyone finds Scarlet's body? NEXT ;DR n' R n' thanxx fer reading'!


	14. Leviathan:Wutain God of the Kinky Nurses

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

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Rufus was a genius, Tseng conceded.A resounding _thud _and a rather sore forehead later Tseng accepted the inevitable. He was getting some much needed, much avoided rest.

Bloody Rufus.

Never. Ever. **EVER**. Ask Reeve about any upcoming plans for his urban development project, Tseng mentally noted, drooling all over his arm. At least when he woke up he'd be a little more like himself. A little more sensible, controlled. Boring. Maybe . . . . Maybe Tseng liked feeling out of control. Maybe he was enjoying this just a _little too much_.

It was time to stop. He was acting like an idiot. He was being irresponsible, unpredictable, a liability, reckless and leaving it to others to clean up the devastation he'd left behind. He was acting just like Reno.  
This was getting beyond a joke.  
Cracking one lazy eye open the raven haired Turk pushed himself up from the oddly comfortable desk and stood uncertainly for a moment. Still reeling from the sudden onslaught of gravity Tseng readied himself before staggering almost drunkenly out of the room. Behind him Reeve paused mid flow, his face remaining impassive, despite just being walked out on half way through a conversation. Waiting until his office door had shut firmly and the footsteps had died down, Reeve placed both his arms flat on the desk and closed his eyes.

Slumping forwards, the Reeve machine shut down.

After a quick trip to his office to change into a spare uniform, and yes he **did **have a spare, you needed one with idiots like Reno running around the place, Tseng hastily returned to the infirmary. He didn't bother calling Elena or Rude, he didn't want to seem desperate.  
He wasn't desperate.  
It was just that the tension was slowly killing him.  
That was all.

Bursting through the infirmary doors Tseng silently revelled in the shock and mild panic he instilled in the crowd. Striding over to the front desk, he watched with hidden mirth as the receptionists shied away from him, reluctant to make any sort of contact. He loved it.  
"Where's my Turk?" He demanded, his voice betraying nothing. The receptionist visibly paled.  
"He's out of theatre now and has been transferred to room 17A." She squeaked. Grinning, Tseng nodded politely and turned his back on the terrified young woman.

As he stepped through the slightly intimidating double doors, he noticed for the first time just how long and cold the corridor to Reno's room really was. It seemed to stretch for miles, stretching so far the floor dipped beyond the edge of the horizon…. Ok. Maybe he was exaggerating a little, but it was still a hell of a way. Each step he took seemed to last an eternity and each footfall rang clear in the desolate, bleached halls. Counting the numbers on the doors as he passed them Tseng felt an ever rising feeling of what could only be described as apprehension. He wanted too see if Reno was alright, he needed to see it with his own eyes, the extent of his own uncontrolled anger.

And then he was there.  
And he couldn't help but feel like an intruder. Like he had no right to be here. Chewing slightly on his bottom lip, the leader of the Turks ran a slightly flustered hand through his uncharacteristically scruffy hair.  
Taking a deep lungful of air, the brazen Turk pushed the door open.

Darkness descended, the dull strips of light peering through the blinds only illuminating the dismal darkness. Pulling up a chair Tseng sat down but kept his eyes firmly on the floor. His only reason for making the lonely journey down here was to see how his Turk was doing, and now he was here he couldn't even bring himself to look at the result of his own handiwork. Annoyed at his own weakness he thrust his face into his palms and sent his prayers to the Wutain God, Leviathan. He couldn't remember all the words anymore. He hadn't uttered them since the night he'd left his village, and even then it was only to ask forgiveness. Forgiveness for turning his back on his people, his family and friends, and forgiveness for turning his back on their supposed God.

This time he prayed for something else. And he added his own words where memory failed him. And even though in the back of his mind Tseng knew he didn't really believe a single word he was saying, it comforted him slightly.  
He raised his eyes and studied the limp, lifeless body in front of him. Bandages swathed his head, fiery strands of crimson hair jutting rebelliously through the strips of gauze. A lump rose in Tseng's throat, but the panic subsided a little as he noted the steady rise and fall of the younger Turk's chest.  
"I'm sorry." He whispered softly.

"Say wha' sexy?"

"Shit, Reno!?" Tseng cried incredulously.

"Wha . . . ? Where's ma kinky nurse? I always get a kinky nurse . . ." The redhead mumbled dejectedly.

And then . . .

"_Tseng_! The fuck, yo? Wait! Don't tell me . . . You're my kinky nurse!" The patient yelled enthusiastically before collapsing into a fit of drug induced giggles.  
"You couldn't be more wrong Reno. As usual." Tseng managed to mutter, still reeling from the redhead's sudden animation. He'd been practically comatose seconds ago!  
"Aw come on boss man, don't piss all over my parade," Reno snickered. Tseng shook his head in disbelief. He'd been awake a matter of seconds, having had lifesaving surgery only a few hours earlier and he was already managing to grate on Tseng's very last nerve!  
"Reno. If you were already awake why the hell didn't you say something earlier?" Tseng demanded, his cheeks burning slightly as he remembered his little conversation with God moments earlier . . .  
"For shits and giggles, yo!" Reno shouted, laughing so hard he doubled up, his scrawny arms clutching his ribs. Throwing his head back in a sudden fit of hysterics Reno felt his still extremely tender, not to mention just mended, skull reverberate off the stark white wall. Clutching his head he screamed aloud in agony before blacking out, and in typical Reno fashion, fell sideways off the bed.

Climbing slowly to his feet Tseng watched unfazed as a team of doctors and nurses streamed past him, chiding and scolding him for getting their once again comatose patient more overactive than was suitable for someone in his condition. But he'd be fine, they assured him.

"It doesn't matter because I don't have to deal with him anymore. Now he's your problem, not mine!" Tseng called, only half jokingly over his shoulder to no-one in-particular, as he sauntered casually out of the room.

And from somewhere in the murky depths of his self inflicted coma, Reno found himself slurring aloud, almost trying to hold a conversation with himself.  
"Hahahaha. Bitch was praying for me. Cool!"

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Neko-Jin: Lawls at the lack of skill on Reno's behalf, and for Tseng's complete dismissal of his subordinate XD Good times!

R n' R? :P

Lick.


	15. The finer things in life

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language mainly on Reno's part and possibly some violence, and a little Tseng x Reno in later chapters, but only if you squint (NOT!)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately  
(I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!)

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Rude was lucky, or so he liked to believe. He hadn't done that badly in the end, and after all had been said and done, he'd made some close friends and had a good, if not entirely stable job. Same could be said for the company he kept when he thought about it. Regardless, he was still a very lucky man. He'd been assigned a new mission, he had a target, and he was to take him out. Any means necessary. And whilst normally he'd be paired with Reno, going solo for once didn't seem to bother him. Which worried him a little more than he cared to dwell on. Nevertheless, this couldn't have come at a better time, because now he had something to distract him from Reno's condition.

After a long moment of deliberation Rude smiled.

Loading the gun in his hands before sliding it into the hidden pocket of his blazer he gently eased the bar doors open, and ordered himself a drink. A shot of bourbon. Rude wasn't entirely partial to the stuff, but the amber liquid seemed quite attractive in this smoky, comfortable, dimly lit pub. Sliding a few notes across the bar he took a seat at the counter, he glanced to his left and nodded politely to the man besides him before ordering a second drink. When the barman offered him the glass, Rude took it gratefully, but instead offered it to his new drinking companion before downing his own drink. The man besides him raised a quizzical eyebrow but said nothing as he knocked back the drink.  
"What was that for?" He asked afterwards. Rude smiled again.  
"I'm celebrating." He replied. The mans brow furrowed slightly.  
"What were you celebrating?" The man asked.  
"Life." Rude said. "And how it ends." He replied for the final time before swinging round on his stool and getting up to leave the bar.

He hung around a moment after the doors closed behind him, just until the screaming began, and then he made his leave. It was all well and good shooting someone in the face, but poisoning them was so much more satisfying. And now he had the rest of the day to do as he pleased before even considering returning to the helicopter. Taking his jacket off and slinging it over his shoulder Rude headed for the beach, taking a sharp right when he reached another pub.

Because it was all well and good lying on a beach in full uniform, sweating himself to death with his beer growing ever warmer by the minute, when he could just as easily sit in the shade with a nice, cool pint and watch the female volley ball team in comfort. Rude had long since learned to enjoy the finer things in life. Grinning, he clinked his pint against an empty pint glass already on the table and mentally sent his best to his temporarily invalid friend.

Somewhere on the other side of the ocean Reno twitched awake and sat up, puzzled. Glancing around, realising no-one was there he shook himself, trying to rid himself of the uncomfortable feeling he was being gently mocked.

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Neko-Jin: Nice little diversion methinks! It's about time someone had some fun around here, and I think Rude was more than worthy of a little.  
Hope ya enjoyed it!  
R n' R and you know the rest I'm sure! And don't worry, this was only a little one off, I won't keep you hanging for too much longer  
:3  
Or maybe I will, 'cos i'm cruel like that :D  
Nah I kid.....Or do I?  
I do :)


	16. Violation of the technically dead

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately.

[I own my fantasies, but those are completely different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

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Reno was not having fun, despite him finally being able to leave the godforsaken hospital he'd been stuck in for the last million years. Slipping on his boots, not even bothering to fasten them, he pushed himself off his bed and slung his bag over his shoulder. Winking at a gaggle of nurses lingering outside his door, he grinned and saluted them as they burst into a fit of giggles and squeaks. The grin soon faded though as he walked into the reception area, he checked anyway but wasn't surprised when he didn't see anyone he recognised waiting for him. Huffing under his breath he strode over to the reception desk and discharged himself.  
"Oh wait!" The receptionist squeaked as he turned to leave, " we have a note here for you from your boss, it says; upon your discharge you are to call Rude immediately, then proceed directly to the roof of this building."  
"Thanks babe." The red head replied wearily, not enjoying the sight of a swooning woman nearly as much as he should have.

Sighing, Reno pulled out his phone and speed dialled Rude. He counted the rings. On the third ring he picked up.  
"Reno?"  
"No, dumb ass it's the Ice Queen Shiva, of course it's me!" He waited for Rude's typical reply to any of his insults. Silence. Just as he expected.  
"So what's the deal with callin' you an waitin' on the roof yo'? This is more cryptic than Elena's shopping list. What the hell is hummus anyway?"  
"Reno, just wait on the roof, ok?"  
And with that Rude hung up. Sticking his tongue out impishly at the phone Reno threw it back in his pocket and folded his arms childishly. Not even so much as a 'Hi Reno! How are you feeling? You know, 'cause you nearly died back there. It's so great to hear from you, 'cause you know, you were nearly dead and everything. . . . .

As the voice in his head rattled on, he reached the elevator and waited for its steady ascent After too many minutes of annoying, tinny elevator music, and a few more people walking in and out he eventually reached the end of the line. Stepping out he slowly climbed the flight of stairs opposite him. Hell, if they weren't even going to pretend they cared he'd nearly died then he was going to take as damn long as he wanted. His sexy nurse hadn't even come to give him a final goodbye sponge bath! Spending nearly a minute on each step (Which was a long time in Reno's world) the sulking Turk eventually made it to the fire exit. Kicking it open he stomped onto the roof as angrily as he could before stopping dead in tracks.

A slow, toothy grin crawled across his face as the welcoming party descended.

"Reno!" Elena yelled launching herself at him, arms wide open ready to hug him. After squeezing him tightly and crushing all but the last breath of air from his still frail body, she eventually pulled away to inspect him properly.  
"Gaia Reno, you look like crap." She muttered. Reno feigned a look of mock hurt and pushed her away jokingly.  
"You try nearly dying and see how it suits you!" He shot back. Rude sauntered over and waited patiently for Elena to stop molly coddling and fussing over him. Eventually, Reno turned to face his best friend, giant grin still held firmly in place.  
"Long time no see partner! Didn't need to bother visiting me by the way, it's fine, I was only trying not to die." He accused light heartedly.

Rude shook his head. Reno was definitely back to his old self again.

"Everyone visited you several times, but you were never really awake, and when you were you were so pumped full of drugs you were only vaguely aware of what was going on around you. That and these last couple of weeks have been pretty chaotic." Reno shook his head and slung an arm around his friends broad shoulders.  
"So what now my big, bald amigo? where's the party at?" He grinned.  
"What party?" Elena butted in.  
"What party?? My 'WooHoo Reno's back from the dead!' party!" Elena and Rude simultaneously shook their heads.  
"I don't know about any party, but we do have something that we think you might like." Elena hinted before taking him roughly by the arm and dragging him round the other side of the helicopter.

Today just kept getting better.

Adorning his beloved chopper, a banner with the words: 'He's Back' with a rather flattering picture of himself with his thumbs up had been strapped to the side of it.  
This was just too cool! Although when this picture had actually been taken was completely beyond him. Leave it to the Turks to violate a comatose patients body purely for the sake of it.

The ride back itself was fairly uneventful with Elena filling Reno in on the latest goings on. Elena had sent out e-mail Fancy Dress Ball invitations to the employees and company benefactors on Reno's behalf, the decorations were already being set up, someone had taken it upon themselves to burn down Hojo's lab again, oh and Scarlet was in a coma. Causes as of yet unknown. Oddly enough, Tseng didn't seem too bothered by this and hadn't followed up on it. And nobody else cared enough to tell him to go and do something about it.

"So really, it's all been pretty awesome back at work then without me there." Reno said getting out of the chopper, only a little disappointed he'd missed seeing Scarlet getting K.O'd. Whoever did it deserved a medal he thought.

Strolling back into his own office in his department after spending such a long time away from it was an odd sensation. Part of him wanted to jump straight back into his chopper and go hunt someone down. The other half wanted to lose another piece of his skull and spend another month away from all this damned work. After escorting him back into his office Rude and Elena hurried off back to work, which had apparently doubled nearly since he'd left. After a few moments of pacing about his room idly wondering what to do he decided to go and pay his boss a visit. Hearing the door click open however he turned just in time to see a familiar face sheepishly peer into the room before stepping in.

Well this was a new one for the books. Tseng **never **made personal visits to injured staff. Unless it was Rude or Elena or Rufus. Basically any staff called Reno he avoided. And he sure as hell never did anything '_sheepishly'_. Reno leant back against his desk and folded his arms. He damn well hoped this was an apology. And he sure as hell wished he hadn't leant against _this desk_. Some fantasies thoughts just didn't leave your head, no matter how many times you split your skull open.

"Reno. . . It's good to see you back. And I'm sorry. About what happened in the showers. I . . . It's good to have you back." Tseng said before hurrying back out of the door. Reno sat with his arms folded limply across his chest and his mouth slightly ajar.

He hadn't actually been holding out for a _real _apology. That was weird. But not quite as weird however as the butterflies causing riots in his stomach. Shaking his head Reno felt the need for something to calm his slightly frayed nerves, something he'd had to go without whilst being cooped up in that accursed hospital. Walking round his desk he checked his door was shut before pulling open his bottom drawer. Everybody knew what people kept in the bottom drawers of their desks. Reno was no different.

He'd been banned from it when he'd been recovering because it _apparently _messed with his head due to the medication. Grinning, Reno sat back, and prepared himself for that first taste of freedom he'd been literally dying for.

Zombie. Fucking. Survival. Game.

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Neko-Jin: Well seriously now, what did you think he kept in the bottom drawer of his desk? But more importantly RENO'S BACK! Is this **not **the best news you've heard all week?  
:3  
Don't review if you're stupid. :P


	17. NERD ALERT

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

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50 Headshots, 23 decapitations, 16 maimings and 7 self combustions later, Reno felt it was time to actually do some work. Taking one half hearted glance at the endless mountain of paperwork littering a desolate corner of his office floor however convinced him to do otherwise. So he left it well alone. Only problem now though was he wasn't entirely sure what to do next. Vacating the Turk department he considered all his options.  
There weren't many.  
Elena was on a body guarding mission with Rufus. Body guarding loosely translating to 'Booty call' as the rebel Turk had chosen to believe. Rude was tackling the Death Mountain that was paperwork, in the comfort of Seventh Heaven of course. And Reno really did not want to see Tseng right now.  
Fidgeting slightly, he wondered just what in the hell he was going to do.

And that was when inspiration struck him, right between the eyes. A lab rat carrying a bouquet of somewhat slimy looking flowers with a get well card poking between their manky leaves darted past him.  
"Hey, nerd!" Reno called after the lab assistant. The kid ignored him. Feeling slightly angered, Reno tried again.  
"YO NERDY MCGEEKERSON! FUCKIN' ANSWER ME!"  
That worked.  
Sliding to a halt, the poor kid turned around, visibly shaking in his too long lab coat. Grinning, Reno sauntered over, EMR casually slung over his shoulder. Oh how he'd missed the misuse of his EMR.  
"Say kid, by the looks of that card there, I'd say you were delivering these….flowers(?) to Scarlet, yeah zotto?" The kid nodded furiously.  
"Well then, I'm sure you've got a load of sciency things and cruel experiments to be gettin' on with, so why don't you just leave these with me?"  
"I-I'm really sorry sir, but Hojo ordered me to deliver these flowers personally." The kid babbled.  
Reno's brow furrowed slightly, before childish impulse kicked in.

"These are from **Hojo**? Well why didn't ya fuckin' say so earlier kid? 'Cause then I wouldn't have bothered askin' ya for the stupid flowers. I'da jus' taken the damn things." And with that, the crimson firecracker snatched the bouquet from the unsuspecting kids hands and stormed off with them. Before returning a moment later to drag the poor assistant along with him. Couldn't leave witnesses behind, fundamental rule right there.

One trip to the supply closet later, and Reno was ready for action. His own personal little lab assistant in tow, arms laden with various implements of torture. Torture in the shape of things only a Turk supply closet could supply.

As Reno stared intently at her face, he couldn't help but snicker at the remnants of car paint still clinging to her skin. And with that, he commenced in painting over it. Half an hour of backbreaking painting later, he set to work on the heart monitor. '_Who'da thought all those years in the slums would've really paid off' _Reno thought as he finished hotwiring the machine. Once he'd set up a connection between it and his phone, he quickly peered through the window to check for any oncoming nurses. Coast clear, he rounded on his little assistant whom he'd forcibly enlisted to help with his little game.

"Yo McGeekerson? You finished with that thing yet?" Reno demanded. Glancing upwards, a bead of sweat trickling down his nose, the lab rat nodded his head furiously. Snatching the device up Reno carefully positioned it behind Scarlet's back before laying her back down on top of it and throwing the bed covers over her head. It was a piece of art.

You really did have to admire Reno's ingenuity when it came to these sorts of things.

Cackling with glee, Reno dragged his new friend out of the room and round a nearby corner.  
"So this is the plan right, on my count, I press this button on my phone which activates the heart monitor. When I do that it'll start flat lining which'll get all the doctors and nurses charging in. And as SOON as they get in the room, one of them'll go and grab the paddles, trust me, they do it on TV all the time. As soon as they go to zap her you pull this string and the spring that you made will catapult her up and it'll scare the shit out of everyone. Ya got all that zotto?" Again, all the little lab assistant could do was nod his head, his face contorted in a mesh of pain, bewilderment and uncertainty.

Eyes brimming with malevolence Reno raised his phone and flipped it open, one finger hovering over the detonation button. Licking his lips with anticipation, it was all he could do to contain himself. Raising a hand he used his fingers to count down, one, two, three, GO!

And with one simple push of a button, the world around them descended into chaos.

Doctors and nurses came crashing in from every conceivable angle, they charged in with defibrillator and paddles and everything. Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Reno silently willed them on. The young lab assistant behind him edged away slightly, severely unnerved by the Turks unabashed glee. In their haste, one of the faceless nurses knocked over the flowers they'd delivered sending them crashing to the floor where they were immediately trampled on. A doctor raised the charged paddles and motioned for a nurse to throw back the bed sheets. Stifling a giggle, Reno shot a glance at his new subordinate. The nurse's fingers had barely brushed the coarse linen sheets when the lab rat pulled hard on the string. The latch on the homemade spring unstuck, forcing the limp body forwards.

Then the real fun began.

The stark white sheets whipped away as the body was launched forwards seemingly of it's own accord. Nurses screamed and doctors shrieked at the sudden burst of life. They took one look at Scarlet's newly painted face, with her disgusting greying skin, blackened lips and shadowed eyes. And then, to really put the frighteners on them, her stark white, unseeing eyes (her eyelids lovingly painted white, little red veins included to give it that extra realism). Bloodcurdling screams ricocheted off the walls, reverberating throughout the hospital, ringing off the newly polished floors, piercing the ears of every occupant in the building. All the while the flat line accompanying the madness., the soundtrack to the horror unfurling around them.

It was only after one of the doctors had instinctively punched the 'un-dead' bitch in the face did Reno and assistant make their move. Bursting through the hospital wing doors Reno clutched his sides, howling with uncontrollable laughter. His lab rat hovered uncertainly by his side a moment, unsure of what was meant to happen next. The boy decided to make a break for it, only to be dragged backwards by surprisingly strong arms.

"Now, you didn't really think I'd have you do all this for me, just to let you leave _just like that_, did you?" Reno asked.  
"Aww bless, **you really did**."

. . . . . . .

Several long, lonely hours later, a slimy silhouette oozed into view. Peering over the edge of his nose he inspected the body carefully. Stuck to the wall it silently screamed and writhed, desperately trying to free itself from it's masking tape coffin. Grimacing slightly, Hojo turned away, unable to maintain eye contact any longer. Muffled screams pleaded with the scientist to help him. Hojo merely scowled and was about to turn his back on the mess stuck on his wall, when something obscenely fluorescent caught his eye. And there it was, the reason behind the madness.

A neon pink post-it note fixed with the utmost care…. to the crotch. Which read:

__

Hey Hojo!  
How are ya? Nah wait a minute, I forget, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

Anyway.  
I ran into one of your little lab rats, and decided to help him deliver your little bouquet.  
Scarlet'll love them, slimy, skanky and just oozing, oh good Gaia yeah, right up her street.  
Anyway, just thought I'd return your pet back to you all safe and sound.  
Bye bye!

P.s. I stuck this to the kid's crotch 'cause I assumed that'd be the first place you'd look.  
Perv.

Hojo sighed and slimed away dejectedly.

He lost more lab assistants like this.

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Neko-Jin: Oh good Gaia this one took a while. I don't really know what the reason for this little distraction was, I suppose I just thought there had been a bit of a lull in stupidly over the top pranks. And Hojo bashing. You can never have enough Hojo bashing.

R 'n R or I'll have Hojo lick your face in your sleep :3


	18. Visions of Tomorrow

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

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Sliding the key into the lock Reno twisted it and automatically kneed the lower half of the door so it would actually open, years of it's sticking having gradually sunken in. Glancing round his apartment he couldn't help beam. He was home. Picking up the masses of post littering the door mat, and yes he did own a door mat, because contrary to popular belief Reno wasn't actually as messy as people gave him credit for. Arms laden with mail he swung his hips round using them to shut the front door. Flicking one by one through the envelopes, tossing the junk mail over his shoulders as he went, he finally stumbled across something remotely interesting. Tearing into it with his teeth, his eyebrows knitted together as he withdrew the bulky object inside. It was a catalogue. Turning it over he felt a smug grin tug at his lips.

_'Heard you didn't think much of Elena's outfit she leant you for the party, so I dug this out and thought you might find something a little less……lilac in here. All the best - Tseng'_

Peeling the post-it note from the catalogue, Reno couldn't help but snicker at the vile pink object. Wandering into the kitchen, he used his favourite magnet to stick the note to his fridge. Hands on hips, he took a moment to fully appreciate his newfound freedom. Moment over he returned to the catalogue before throwing himself onto his bright red couch. It took a very stable person to spend the night at Reno's and still manage to leave a sane person in the morning. The colour scheme alone was enough to drive you mental. Red, black and white.  
That was it.  
His living room consisted of one red couch, one red TV, a red sound system, a red bookcase, red shelves with various action figures and the like inside, a red rug, a red coffee table, red light fittings and red curtains. The walls were and endless cycle of black and white respectively with a white carpet to match. The rest of the house continued in this fashion. Including the bathroom.

Lounging languidly on his sofa, he kicked off his shoes before flicking through the surprisingly heavy book.  
_'Gothic Lolita Fetish Wear….Interesting Tseng would keep hold of something like this………._' Reno pondered. '_Now lets see………. Oh my sweet Bahamut they have an entire red section!' _Shaking his head violently, Reno pretended he hadn't just mentally 'squeed' over fetish gear. And never being one to take himself too seriously, he chose possibly the oddest, raunchiest, _prettiest _most badass outfit he could find. In red. He was buying this completely for himself, or so he chose to believe. But if anyone else should _happen _to think he looked absolutely drop dead amazing in it, well, that was just a bonus then wasn't it?

The rest of the night meandered along at a casual pace, and after three prank phone calls to Rude and a dirty voicemail message to Elena later, Reno forced himself to the bedroom. Leaning against the door frame, he admired the sight of his own bed. Hospitals after all were notorious for using slabs of concrete for beds. Within the ten seconds it took to reach his bed Reno had switched off the light and stripped to his boxers. Diving into the mass of marshmallowy soft duvets and pillows the shattered Turk found he had little trouble drifting off to sleep that night.

The second his eyelids shut however, the idealistic lifestyle he'd quickly grown re-accustomed to flitted away, leaving it to imagination to take the reigns.  
And at first he couldn't really tell whether this was bliss, or a curse.

They lay together in perfect silence, needing nothing but each others company. Above them the stars and the planets drew closer, galaxies collided and suns burned brilliant white and together they formed a celestial web that hung from the stars. And it was heaven. Leaning his head on his companions shoulder Reno shuffled ever closer until, with a crash, he ended up sprawled on top of his raven haired lover.  
"……Reno, what you doing?" The older man asked, smirking faintly, arching one finely shaped eyebrow as if to emphasise his question. Too busy snickering to himself, Reno chose not to answer the question immediately.  
"See the thing is……I fell." Wrapping his sinewy arms around the other's broad shoulders, he yelped slightly when the taller man pushed him back, and rose quickly to his feet.  
"Reno, what are you doing?" No distant smirks nor ghosts of smiles adorned the cold, harsh question. Painfully, Reno clambered to his feet. He couldn't meet his sweethearts eyes.  
"Tseng I don't understand……What's wrong?" He asked, confusion masking the pain.  
"Nothing is wrong Reno." Tseng deadpanned. "Because this was never right to begin with." And with those final words the man he thought was his had gone.

And in his wake, he tore the stars from the sky and extinguished those raging suns. Decay flooded his perfect world, and the nightmare returned dragging with it all the loneliness and desolation Reno thought he'd left back in reality. And his whole world succumbed to the darkness.

And like all dreams, it ended. So when he sat bolt upright and found himself all alone in the solitary confines of his bed, the first thing he did was viciously rub his damp eyes dry until his skin burned. Panting slightly, knuckles gripping the bed sheets so tightly they shone white in the darkness he finally let out a long, shuddering breath.

The dull, hollow ache in his chest reminded him what it was to have something you've desired for so long in your arms, to have it completely, all to yourself, only then to have it snatched away again. To be left back in harsh reality with nothing but broken dreams, and the realisation this will happen every time you close your eyes.

It was a curse.

And so Reno lay back down and closed his still burning eyes. And the only thought left to accompany him into another fitful sleep was the haunting thought that even in his dreams he couldn't hold onto the man he desired. So what chance did he have in reality? Eventually, the hopelessness in his heart gave way to the more physical need for sleep, and Reno felt his mind slipping back into that which he had once confused for bliss. And he wished his dreams would end.

That night however, Reno was not the only one plagued with visions of an even worse tomorrow.

Amber eyes flitted open, and with terrifying speed that even surprised himself Tseng had pushed himself up from his bed, his head hung in shame as tears rolled steadily down his flushed cheeks. Feeling his arms giving way, he fell forwards on his too big, too empty bed letting his head rest wherever it landed. With one shaking hand, he pushed the mass of hair the same colour as the night away from his face. Sniffling loudly, he wiped his nose and dried his eyes quickly, not sure why he was so terrified of someone catching him in this rare moment of vulnerability.

Rolling onto his side he raised his eyes so they looked out through the window, and across the glittering borders of Midgar. It was a view that would, under any other circumstances, bring the softest of smiles to his hardened face. But tonight, the only purpose it served was to illuminate the distance between himself and the man his very soul pined for. Placing his hand against the freezing glass, he let it rest there a moment before pulling it back sharply, as if something had bitten him.

He'd always loved this feature of his bedroom, the fact that his bed lay right against a window that stretched the entire length of the wall. It was what had finally decided for him that this was the flat for him. And this being the penthouse suite it gave him the chance to watch out over the city, like a forgotten guardian, without the risk of ever being seen.

And yet tonight he hated it. And so turning his back on the wall of glass, he forced his eyes shut, back into a world where what he needed the most was just as unreachable there as he thought it was here.  
And closer in reality than they ever were in their dreams the two Turks delved deeper into their nightmares, not sure any more whether it was worth waking up in the morning.

Because in the end the outcome was always the same. They were always alone.

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Neko Condemned- :'(  
Bright side here is though, they can wake up.  
And they're a lot more alike than they think.

R n' R, I wanna hear what you think :3


	19. It's only 3 hours, they'll never notice

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately.  
[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

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Cracking one sleep encrusted eye open, Reno glanced at the clock on his bedside table, disgustingly bright LED numbers burning into his retinas. Exhaling loudly he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and forced himself to stand. Manoeuvring almost drunkenly around the discarded crap on his floor the sleep deprived Turk eventually made his way into the kitchen. Cereal was probably the safest thing to attempt at this ungodly hour, the numbers 9:30 quickly followed by the kick in the teeth that was AM still flashing painfully from the inside of his eyelids.

Cursing quietly under his breath, Reno poured his cereal onto the counter.  
Damn.  
This was going to be a long morning.

"Where the hell is Reno?" Elena demanded, bearing down upon Rude in all her feminine glory. Rude merely shrugged and returned to his weapons practice, he was frustrated enough without Elena adding to his tensions.  
"Well?" She demanded again in that accusatory tone, noting the slight frown Rude was having trouble concealing. Elena mentally gulped, and yet sheer pig headedness forced her to continue the verbal assault.  
"Come on Rude, if anyone knows where he's at it'll be you. What's got into him recently, is he ill or something? I know he was never the most punctual person to grace the planet, but you've got to admit this is getting ridiculous. _Well_?"  
Rude answered her questions by calmly raising his outstretched arms, bringing his gun to eye level and firing several rounds in quick succession. He remained silent long after the bullets had ploughed into the silhouette at the far side of the room. Curiosity getting the better of her, Elena ventured a glance at the target, and suddenly wished she hadn't.  
"I can see you're busy, I'll just go take another look around…..See you later!" And with that, the blonde vanished.

Grinning, Rude pushed his shades further up his nose and moved onto the next target. Damn he was good.

Sighing, Elena had to admit defeat. Something was up here, but she'd be damned if anyone would tell her what it was. Rude was as defensive as ever, Gaia only knew what was up with Tseng, mental breakdown seemed most likely, and Rufus was oblivious to the trials and tribulations of his staff. Folding her arms across her chest, she scowled as she scoured the office for the umpteenth time. Strolling down the corridor a sudden collision caught her unawares, knocking her off her feet. Slightly dazed she raised her head and held her tongue as a foul mouthed tirade built up behind her teeth. She didn't even have time to utter a single curse as a pair of arms roughly dragged her up from the floor, a mumbled apology muffling her outrage. Glaring at the clumsy idiot responsible, she suddenly found her rage subside, concern instead taking charge.

"Sir?" She asked softly, forgetting briefly her boss did not take kindly to acts of kindness bestowed upon him. His piercing golden eyes bore into her skull making her very flesh crawl, reminding her just whom she was speaking too. Straightening her posture she nodded curtly at her superior and hastily retreated out of his line of sight. Glancing at her phone she glowered at the lack of messages from Reno.

How that idiot outranked her she would never know. How he outranked Rude was a bigger mystery still.

'_Do you know what._' She thought sullenly to herself. '_If Reno can take the day off with no explanation and no reason, so can I._' And on that final, rebellious note, she headed for the bar. Tifa would listen. Gaia knew the bitch was always up for a gossip. Smirking, she shrugged her jacket off and swung it over her shoulders. '_And as Reno would say, I'm clockin' off early, yo_!'

A long, thirty minutes later, a certain red head strolled into his office, brimming with all of his usual vigour. Flicking on his computer he opened up a blank document, and after a long internal deliberation, actually decided to make a start on the paperwork. Glancing at the time on the bottom right of the screen, he grinned smugly, satisfied he'd made it into work only three hours late. Cracking his knuckles he allowed his fingers to flit across the keyboard, safe in the knowledge spell check would be there to tidy up some of the more devastating crimes against grammar. So it was just his luck then, that just as he started to really get into the flow of things, Rude opened the door and strode over to his desk.

"Tseng wants to see you in his office." He deadpanned, silently analysing his friend's even rougher appearance than usual. He watched with mild amusement as the redhead tried desperately to ignore him, dead set on actually doing his job for once. After several minutes of noiseless scrutinizing however, Reno had to admit defeat.  
"Fine!" He yelled, throwing his arms in the air with exasperation. "The one time I actually get round to doing some work and the whole world gets up in arms about it. I can't win yo!" Cursing and swearing all the way down to his superiors office, Reno only hushed as he approached to door. Sighing wearily he fixed his generic stupid grin #1 in place and strolled into the office, trademark swagger in place. He barely reached the desk before he felt his pretence start to slip.

"'Sup boss man?" He asked casually. Tseng raised his head and carefully placed the pen he was using down on the desk. Reno gulped inwardly. Tseng looked like he felt, and that was never good.  
"Jeez man you look like shit. Sir." He added quickly for fear of reprisal. Tseng cast a surly look at the younger man which quickly wiped the smug look off the firecracker's face.  
"You're late Reno, late even by your usual standards. This is completely unacceptable. In case you'd forgotten, both you and Elena were to go into the city and do some background checks on a few less than desirables we were meant to be keeping an eye on. Just what the hell do you think you're playing at? Since you've been back you've done even less work than usual and we simply can't be dealing with it at the moment."

Reno remained impassive. He fought the urge to punch the condescending git in the face and instead opted for the more civil approach, something in the pit of his stomach however told him no matter what option he chose, he wasn't getting off the hook so easily this time.  
"What are you getting at, _sir_." He asked stonily, emphasising the final syllable just to see if he could gain a reaction.  
He did.

"Here you are Reno. I've finished signing your release papers, all it needs now is your signature and then your contract with Shinra will be terminated."

Shit_._

He'd gotten his reaction.

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Neko-Condemned: !!!  
Final warning?  
Read and Review please, I like hearing your opinions, even if they are silly or maybe not so good ones_ :)_


	20. Office veterans:Smarter than you'd think

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately. [I own my fantasies, but those are completely different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

* * *

The clock on the wall seemed to stop altogether. Time froze, and Reno couldn't quite convince his brain to process what he was sure he'd just heard.

"I……don't understand." he said, the tiniest fragment of fear creeping into his words.  
"Look Reno, I'm going to give you a choice most Turks in your position would kill to-"  
"What do you mean, _'in my position'_?" Reno spat, confusion and anger beginning to boil over. He watched with cold eyes as his boss met his gaze. Once again, amber and aqua met, only this time neither refused to back down.

"What I mean Reno, is you need to step up your game if you're going to continue working here. There's only so much I can overlook before it starts getting out of control. Gaia knows you've caused enough damage over the years that would have warranted the execution of anyone else, and I'm beginning to grow tired of people asking just why I keep you on. If you won't turn up on time tomorrow and do the work I've assigned you, then don't bother turning up at all. You are dismissed." Tseng ended coldly before sweeping the release forms into his drawer.

"I said you're dismissed." he repeated when he noticed his subordinate hadn't moved from behind the desk.  
"Reno." He growled dangerously, the redheads defiance grating on his last nerve. _'Just accept defeat.' _He silently pleaded with the stubborn young man. _'This won't end well for you, it never does.'  
_  
"Why don't you then?" Reno asked, knowing full well he was treading on thin ice now.  
"Why don't I what, Reno?" Tseng asked despairingly.  
"Why don't you get rid of me then? If I'm such a disgrace, such a disappointment, such a waste of company resources, why do you even bother keeping me on?" The crimson delinquent asked, infuriated. Tseng shook his head and gestured with one hand for his lackey to leave.  
"Seriously, Tseng. We've known each other for how many years, seven, _eight_? You dragged me out of the slums when I was 16 to work for you, for Shinra. I was a fuck up then and I'm a fuck up now, so what' changed? If I am such a mess then I think I deserve to at least know why I'm wasting my life _here_."

Head bowed, Tseng forced his mouth shut, his lips forming a thin line. After several tortuous minutes, Reno eventually gave up. Kicking a nearby chair violently out of the way he stormed out of the room, pausing a second only to shout;  
"Well d'ya know what, zotto? I might just **not **turn up tomorrow. Let's see if you hold up to your bluff then shall we?" He hissed vehemently, slamming the door behind him.  
Tseng remained silent.  
"Reno….." He whispered softly, a tiny part of him praying the redhead would somehow magically hear him and come back.  
"What should I have said?" He asked to no-one in particular, his words dying on the air as soon as they left his lips.

Teeth bared, Reno tore down the hall way, scattering and dividing random passers by, even going as far as to physically throw some out of the way. Turning sharply into his office he kicked the door shut with such ferocity the wooden frame splintered on impact. Charging over to his desk he slammed his fists onto it before throwing everything to the floor. Still incensed, he grabbed the computer and ripped it out of the sockets, the hard drive trailing along uselessley besides it and threw them both straight through the window. Revelling in the madness and shattering glass he strode out of the room again, this time heading down the stairs three at a time, caring little if he did himself an injury on the way down, anything to keep the fire alight.

People scattered in all directions, tripping over each other in a bid for escape, even the Shinra receptionist veterans who had worked there longer than Reno had ducked and taken cover from the clinically insane Turk. With a burning inner turmoil the likes of which he'd never before faced, Reno stormed the car park.  
_'How dare he, HOW DARE HE! I thought, I hoped there was a chance between us, but the self obsessed dick couldn't even answer a simple fucking question! All he ever did was keep me around for his own amusement. He doesn't even care, I don't even care!" _He mentally wailed. Revenge burning a hole through his chest, the deserter Turk grinned madly as he rounded on his latest victim.  
A sleek, black convertible.

Tearing down the roof he ripped open the dashboard and grabbed a fistful of wires.

And then logic returned. The flames in his heart subsided, constricted by the tightening in his chest. Lowering the wires he returned them back to their rightful place and readjusted the dashboard. Shaking slightly he pulled himself out of the car and without once looking back took off at full pelt.

This wasn't him. He didn't go berserker like that and he didn't try to hotwire his boss's car because his boss had quite rightly reprimanded him for his recent lack of work. He wasn't that sort of person. When his feet eventually came to a halt, he realised for the first time where they'd taken him.

"Good feet…" He muttered quietly, opening the door to Seventh Heaven, before stubbing his toe on the way in.

* * *

Neko-Condemned: :O Oh my. Someone has some deep rooted issues methinks. Although if you didn't know that about Reno before then there must be something wrong with you too :3 Atleast he's found somewhere where he can't _possibly _get into any trouble... Can he?  
Read and Review?


	21. The infinite stupidity of Op: Chat Shit

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

* * *

His first reaction had been complete and utter denial. This quickly changed to annoyance. And finally he accepted that he just couldn't escape Shinra if he tried, and allowed the blonde, female Turk to buy him a drink. The first of many. It was only after the fifth or sixth shot, hell make that fifteenth in Reno's case, that Elena suddenly remembered she had to check something on her laptop. Whatever it was she hid with a vengeance from the troublemaking young man besides her.

"Hey 'Lena! C'mere I gotsa idea!" Reno slurred from his precarious position on the barstool. Elena tried to stare dubiously at him, the end result more akin to a constipated chocobo.  
"Reno, no offence, but your ideas normally get you into serious trouble." The blonde retorted, the alcohol not able to extinguish that tiniest of ounce of common sense left.  
"Spoil sport….." Reno mumbled dejectedly. Elena merely laughed and ordered more drinks.

At 2:00 AM an almost paralytically drunk red head was unceremoniously escorted back to his apartment by a none too amused Vincent Valentine. The elder man tried to retain his normally stoic, impassive persona, even when Reno decided he wished to be carried bridal style to his place. And by 'decided' he meant demanded. After ignoring the numerous disapproving, and sometimes downright terrified expressions of random passers by Vincent eventually reached his charge's apartment. After failing at finding a spare key Vincent couldn't help but flush bright scarlet as he reached into Reno's front pants pocket to grab his keys. After depositing the almost comatose creature safely onto his sofa the wanna vampire attempted to slink out of the flat unnoticed. He was halted in his tracks by a partially muffled 'Wait'. Glancing round, he tried to deny the enormous grin sneaking across his ordinarily placid features at the sight of the panned out red head.  
"Thanksh fr bringin' me home, loves you Tsheng ."

Vincent froze. His mouth hung slightly ajar before he quickly pulled himself together. He was actually horrified that the Turk had actually confused him for his boss. Partially because he liked to believe he was a damn sight better looking, but nevertheless….  
He grinned as he locked the front door behind him before sliding the keys back under the door. Thirty years later and the Turks still managed to surprise him.

Never again would he allow Tifa to bully him into escorting any more drunken patrons home. No matter how many times she threatened to unleash certain incriminating photos of him to the unsuspecting world. On second thoughts, maybe he'd just do what she said. Avalanche would never let him live it down if they ever discovered he still slept with a teddy bear. Sighing, he trudged home sullenly before finally throwing himself into his coffin, snuggling up to his slightly tattered and age worn toy wolf.  
"Love you Mr. Woofles" He whispered quietly, before slipping soundly off to sleep.

Elsewhere, after an unexpected collision with the floor, Reno found himself rudely awakened and desperately in need of a drink. He could feel sobriety creeping up on him, like some sort of sexual deviant. After downing several shots of a highly conspicuous purple liquid Reno felt he was sufficiently hammered enough to engage in some online abuse. Gaia knows the rest of the Shinra building were sad enough to still be online at this righteous hour in the morning.

Switching on the laptop, Reno spent the next twenty minutes drunkenly trying to remember his username and password. He clapped his hands together and giggled uncontrollably when he eventually logged on and the words _RedHotTurk _flashed across his screen. Scrolling down the list of members 'online' he was both amazed and disturbed to find the majority of the people he worked with online. It was like they knew he'd be getting off his face and logging on. Operation: CHAT SHIT was now underway, so long as the alcohol remained safely in his system.

SilentButDeadly: Hey partner. Heard about your final warning. You ok?

RedHotTurk: Yehya ima gooooooooooood. How' you then Rudey Dudey???

SilentButDeadly: Reno are you drunk?

RedHotTurk: yh. Hahahhahahshahashsdhha.

SilentButDeadly: Reno. You really have to be on time tomorrow, or you **will **be fired.

RedHotTurk: GUESS WHAT RUDE?????????????

SilentButDeadly: What is it Reno?

RedHotTurk: Luff yhooo ;P

SilentButDeadly: ………

SilentButDeadly has logged out.

Staring impassively at the screen, Reno frowned and quickly scanned the list of online people for more potential cyber victims.  
Oh no.  
This was bad. And yet he couldn't resist the unseen force that seemed to be pulling his hand towards the 'chat' button.

RedHotTurk has opened chat with KingOfThePainkillers.

KingOfThePainkillers: Reno?

RedHotTurk has logged out.

.............

RedHotTurk has logged in.

RedHotTurk: Sorry bou thayt yo, internet connexion suxxxx

KingOfThePainkillers: Okay……Didn't think you'd be talking to me tbh. Thought you were still in a mood with me.

RedHotTurk: I was but then I went out nn got hammererrd!!!!!!!!!!!! So iv forgiven ya! :3

KingOfThePainkillers: Ah. That explains a lot. So how drunk are you?

RedHotTurk: Fuckinnnnnnnn XD XD XD XD

KingOfThePainkillers: …………Reno I was serious about you not turning up tomorrow on time.

RedHotTurk: Pffffffffft naahhhhhhhhhh cos if ya fired me who woullld ya hast to drool over? NOONE. Thas who.

KingOfThePainkillers: Fuck me, you're really hammered aren't you?

RedHotTurks: Was upsett. Yah hrts ma feelins yo.

KingOfThePainkillers: I hurt your feelings?

RedHotTurk: Yeh……….Whyy, shoulf I notv told ya that?

Tseng knew he was unashamedly exploiting his extremely annihilated second in command, but sometimes these sorts of opportunities just cropped up, and sometimes you just had to take them. This was most defiantly one of those times.

KingOfThePainkillers: It's not that, it's just……You don't normally talk about your feelings. Unless it's anger. You're pretty good at conveying that.

RedHotTurk: Well you gaves me reason to beangry ddint ya?

RedHotTurk: Would ya miss me? If ya had to fire me?

KingOfThePainkillers: …..The department would miss you.

RedHotTurk: But would **you**?

KingOfThePainkillers has logged out.

Sitting back in his chair, Reno tilted his head to one side and stared bemusedly at the screen. He waited in silence for several more minutes, wordlessly willing his crush to sign back online and tell him he'd miss him. After a while, the red haired Turk slammed shut the laptop and staggered off to bed, making it only as far as the living room door.

It was only at 7:00AM when the shrill ringing of his phone bore into his brain did Reno start to first feel the effects of the monster hangover he'd been trying so desperately avoid all night. Clutching his head and rolling onto his back he groped for the phone, adamant on not opening his eyes. After a moment he managed to grab the phone and quickly flip it open.

"Whaddya want yo?" He demanded fuzzily.  
"Reno, be in work for eight or don't bother turning up at all. And sorry for last night, my internet failed, but I would. Don't be late."  
"….Zotto?" Reno asked feebly as Tseng hung up rather abruptly. What the hell was he going on about, internet? Reno hadn't been on the internet had he? He wasn't that stupid when he was drunk as to go on an instant messaging service when his wanna lover was online.  
Would he?

Ignoring the sudden lurch his stomach made, Reno staggered dazedly to his feet and headed to the kitchen where he promptly shoved his head under the cold water tap. With a free hand he speed dialled Rude and prayed his best bud would pick up.

"I'm on my way. I'll be down in ten minutes." Rude answered before Reno had even had chance to ask the question. Shutting his phone, Reno dragged his dripping self from under the tap and vacated his flat.

Today was gonna suck. He just knew it.

* * *

Neko Condemned: Sorry I suck at IM convos, but I felt this story was lacking one, they may make appearances in later chaps, but for now I think it's served it's purpose in outlining Reno's infinite stupidity.  
And yes. That's how I've known friends (And myself) to type when utterly annihilated.  
Awesome ne?  
Hope you liked the screen names too btw, I had fun thinking up Tseng's, Reno's was kinda a given :3  
R n' R plz.


	22. I Ain't No Office Bitch!

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

* * *

Dragging him unceremoniously by the ankles, Rude managed to manoeuvre his comatose partner all the way from his car, straight into the elevator and as far as the Turk department door. But this was as far as he was willing to go, this was something Reno would have to do himself if he was going to learn anything at all. Although, looking at the sorry, slightly dripping mess curled up by his feet, maybe he'd just forgo the moral mind fuck and just dump the redhead on the couch to continue sobering up.

What the hell. Wasn't like Reno would learn anyway.

After another moment of unceremonious hauling, Rude allowed himself a secret 'victory smile' after depositing his friend on the nearest couch. Technically Tseng couldn't bitch at Reno today because although he was seriously incapable of any form of work at the moment, at least he was in work. Somehow though, Rude didn't feel like **he **wanted to have to be the one to explain this to Tseng, and so ran far away, as fast as he could without ever looking back. Apart from once, but only because he thought Reno was gagging on his own vomit. He wasn't.

Have you ever had one of those mornings when nothing seems to be going as you planned, but it all seems to be leading you to the conclusion that today is gong to be a good day? Well Tseng had that feeling.

And then he saw Reno.

And don't you just know, all false pretences about the rest of the day just came crumbling down around his poor little unsuspecting self. Thoroughly pissed off, Tseng marched over to the sleeping beauty and kicked him roughly off the couch. Taking a little too much pleasure out of the small yelp that escaped the redheads lips, Tseng quickly poised himself again. He was in reprisal mode now, he was in his _element_.

"Reno. Up." He barked. The younger Turk staggered uncertainly to his feet and saluted his boss, before remembering he didn't need to salute his boss. Arms falling limply by his sides, Reno waited for the verbal molestation upon his hung-over self to commence.  
"Did nothing I said to you yesterday have any sort of impact on you at all? Do you really care that little about your job you'd threaten your position by turning up in this sorry state? You do realise how unacceptable this is don't you subordinate." Unfortunately for Reno, this last statement was not a question.  
"Sir." The redhead muttered meekly, silently praying to any Gods that might be listening to take pity on his poor soul.

"……But seeing as you turned up on time today, I am instead placing you on sniper duty. Every night for the next three days." Tseng watched, sadistically amused by the menagerie of emotions contorting about his second in commands face. Sniper Duty was one of the more hardcore punishments, not necessarily the worst, far from it, but nevertheless, it was still pretty damn cruel to inflict it upon somebody else."

Part of Reno wanted to laugh, part of him threatened to cry and the biggest part of all just wanted to break the smug gits face for being such a dick. Finally, Reno let out a resigned sigh and slumped back onto the couch.  
"So I take it I can go back to sleep now seein' as I'm pullin' a night shift for the next few nights, am I right zotto?"  
"Yes Reno. For once you're actually right." Tseng quipped, strutting self righteously into his office.

Sighing once again, Reno allowed gravity to claim him and closed his eyes on the world. '_Who the hell does he think he is anyway? What in the hell sort of God complex do you have to have to force somebody into the mental and physical torture that is Sniper Duty? What a douche. If he weren't so damned hawt I'da smacked him one. That's right, 'cause I ain't no office bitch, oh hells no!_'  
And so the internal monologue continued until sleep deprivation finally caught up with him and pulled him under.

In the alcohol deprived, sleep deprived, sanity deprived state he currently found himself occupying, it was no wonder that that morning Reno dreamt of vantage points and faceless targets and a gun whose trigger stuck at the most inappropriate of times.  
Even in his dreams he couldn't win.

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Neko-Jin: If only every boss/tutor was this forgiving about turning up in the morning with a _crippling _hangover. Ah well :)


	23. Gang Banging Chapel Style

Title: Reaction Time

Author: Neko-Jin of the Stars [Neko Condemned]

Summary: It's Shinra, and it's boring, of course someone has to intervene. Queue Reno self proclaimed Master of Disaster!

Warnings: Some bad language [mainly on Reno's part] , violence in some chapters and a lot Reno bashing. gradual RxT, and an obscene amount of stupid pranks.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from any of the Final Fantasies. Unfortunately

[I own my fantasies, but those are **completely **different! And quite possibly X-rated!]

* * *

Towering well above the ignorant masses, Reno grimaced and smeared a shaking, soaking hand across his rain drenched face. The futility of this small gesture was not lost on the morose Turk as his hand reclaimed its correct purchase on the gun, the rain still pouring down around him. Shifting restlessly he tried desperately to think of something that might lift his depressingly low spirits. He'd already tried mentally pasting Tseng's face onto every possible target. Obviously this plan of action had to be quickly discarded when the rising flush in his face began to spread to . . . . lower regions. Groaning, the red head arched his back whilst lying flat on his stomach, pushing his knees harder against the sodden stone floor.

Trigger finger itching, Reno just knew this wouldn't end well if he didn't get to shoot something soon. After another half an hour of unrelenting concentration, just as he was getting into the swing of things, a familiar vibrating in his pants pocket dragged him back out of his reverie.  
"The hell is it now yo?" He snapped.  
"Just checkin up on ya buddy." Rude replied, not in the least offended by his counterparts sudden onslaught of bitchiness.  
"Aw shit man, sorry! Didn't mean to bite your head off yo it's just, it's been a really long day…." He trailed.  
"Well, I thought this might….lift your spirits…..shall we say. Why don't you use that super scope I know you 'borrowed' from the company, and just attach it to your sniper. You done that?"  
"Errr, yeah. Rude what the hell are you-"  
"Right, now turn to the south facing side of the building and stare directly ahead of you. You should be looking directly at a restaurant called La Doré Chocobo."  
"Yeah, ima lookin at it…." Reno fumbled the gun a little at the almost girlish giggle emanating from Rude's end of the line. This was getting…….Odd.  
"Look at the third floor, through the furthest eastern window and just you tell me what you see." Rude ended in typically cryptic fashion. Sighing, Reno raised his gaze silently revelling in this newest of distractions.

The he saw it. His worst nightmare confirmed.  
And then he actually dropped the gun.

"Shitshitshitshitshit RUDE I FRICKIN' HIT SOMEONE!" The red head screamed down the phone, already disassembling the gun and forcing it roughly back into it's case. "THE WRONG SOMEONE! PART OF A GANG SOMEONE!" He added quickly for emphasis.  
"Reno calm down…..Just take deep breaths and try to get out of that building as quickly as po-"  
Bullets cut short his words and Rude knew instantly that Reno was in serious trouble. Knuckles whitening as his fist clenched the handset, he listened intently to the tinny shrieks and crackling cries of terror and despite the static Rude knew none of them belonged to Reno.  
"Reno, Reno answer me! Say something, I can't tell whether you're dead or al-"  
"DIE MOTHER LICKERS!!!"

The line went dead.

About to place his phone back in his pocket, Rude paused, thanked his occasional flash of foresight and began to dial a number.  
"Hey. Is this the clean up crew?"

Slinging the empty case over his back Reno gathered the newly re-assembled sniper rifle in both arms and descended the spiral stairs three at a time, ignoring the twinge in his ankle when he landed on it awkwardly. Grinning through the pain he raised the weapon to eye level choosing to ignore the scope in favour of his own lenses. He heard the rest of the oncoming gang well before they were even aware what they were up against. They thought he was just a twat taking pot shots from the Church bell tower.

Well. They were half right weren't they.

Lifting the gun he pulled hard on the trigger and shot the unsuspecting, gun wielding stranger straight in the face. Not bothering to hide his unbridled joy he leapt over the still falling body, continued charging down the stairs and took out another hit in one swift, fluid motion. Flying down the stairs, hands a blur, he competently reloaded his gun, targeted his next victim and burst through the church doors not once faltering as he took the shot. Wiping a spatter of blood from his luminescent skin, he glanced at the carnage by his feet and smiled as the rain washed it nearly all away. For a second, he almost lost himself in the swirls of claret, when just in time a poorly aimed pistol whip at his face yanked him out of his trance. Blowing the mans brains all over the pavement Reno slung the rifle over his shoulder and side stepped over the bloodbath.

Peeling off his sodden jacket he felt the skin drying on his bones as the rain eased off and disappeared. Glancing at the sky and the steady stream of scarlet flowing freely from the chapel doors, Reno just knew today could only get better.

And then the cleanup crew arrived.  
And he almost felt disappointed that they were erasing his hard days work.  
Then he remembered the gun on his back, and realised he didn't have to stop working if he didn't feel like it.

Today, Reno was putting in overtime.

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Neko-Condemned: :O Oh my. Trusting Reno with a gun was never the smartest plan of the century was it now?  
R n' R please, I like hearing your feedback :3


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